A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:you know how everyone says "do something quick! you don't want to be the 'what if person'"... well, i'm that person and it sucks worse than anything in the world.well about 3 years ago i moved to a suburban town from nyc, so you can guess if was a big change. well about 1 year ago i decided to take a politics course and a couple of days into the class we had a new student. i don't believe in love at first sight (i'm a realist, i guess) but i definitely liked him. he was a year younger than me, which normally would bother me but i really didnt care. we ended up being assigned partners for a project that was worth a chunk of our grade. we liked the same movies, music, everything. he was really just the coolest guy i ever met.we were good friends for about 5 months and then he asked me out, so i obviously said yes. i felt great because i had an established set of friends and a bf and everything was working out... but i had family stuff going on and it became a very difficult time so we broke up but we later got back together and we were so happy again. i remember May 29th him and me and a lot of our friends hung out and it was the greatest day i've had since i moved 3 years ago.however, in june i went through something very traumatic involving a guy i didnt even know and i couldnt stand for any guy to look at me or touch me at all (you can presume what happened). i broke up with him without telling him why and i know how badly i crushed him and that hurt me too. i told what happened in october and i wanted to know if we could possibly work something out. he said he was sorry because he didnt know that was what happened. he told me he still wanted to be with me but he needed time to mend because he didnt want to get his heart broken again, but that he would like us to be friends and maybe we could work something out in the future.i keep remembering all the things he did and why i liked him so much: he always baked weird shaped cookies and frosted cupcakes to look like pacman and the ghosts (culinary student), he spoke the worst spanish i ever heard in my life but i loved it, and his mouth always moved to the side of his face when he spoke lol, and my favorite is the way he smiled and squinted his eyes and shook his head when someone did something stupid so he'd laugh to himself like 'what the hell are you doing? but please keep doing it anyway' loli feel like i messed things up with him so badly. he wasnt my only bf but he was the only one i was really in love with and i feel like i was so blind and that i couldnt see it then. i am still in love with him and i could see myself with him. i never intended to hurt him so badly and i never will again. how could i have messed this up so badly?
View related questions:
broke up, crush, got back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 December 2010):
 You need to remember that this wasn't you messing it up. It was something that happened to you that you didn't know how to handle, and I don't think anyone would because no one expects something like that to happen to them. You had to put yourself first back then, and that was the only thing you could do to survive. Yes you hurt him in the process, but that is how it is with these things, the ones around you, closest to you, will take a hit as well, even when the full blow is primarily directed at you. There was nothing you could have done to prevent that. You had to do what was best for you, and you should not feel that was the wrong decision. It was what was necessary for you.
Now he will recover, he will heal, he will get over it. Trust me. And you need to heal and grow as well. And then when you are ready you could approach him again, or any relationship. You can only do as much as you are capable of. If he isn't ready then that doesn't have to mean what you did was so horrible. Who knows, once it has sunken in why you did what you did, maybe he will come around. Maybe he has moved on and you wont be together again. But in either case you don't know what the future holds for you, and in the end it might have been for the best. Even if you can't see that right now.
|
