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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: How bad is it to get together with your friend's ex?me and my friends girlfriend have been madly in love for a long time now and after months of debating and torturing ourselves for feeling the way we do we have finally decided we have to be together. we cant keep going on dying to be together anymore.ive never felt so guilty about anything in my entire life. i would never do anything with her while she is with him, she is breaking up with him this week. how long do you think i should leave it before we start seeing eachother openly?? i know its going to kill my friend and neither of us has come to this desicion lightly and we know we are going to be outcasted by hundreds of people we know, but we are truly in love.I know it seems so wrong, but a part of me thinks if 2 people love eachother isnt it redicilous to be apart, no matter what?? i know it might not work but we are willing to give it a chance. Am I a truly horrible person for making this desicion knowing i will hurt my friend? they have been together for 6 years which makes it worse.how long should I leae it, and how should I go about explaining this to my friends? please try to give advice even though u may think I am a bad person. thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): i think you posted this query before so also please check the responses you have been given. your friend will be gutted not only by his breakup but knowing that you two have been sneaking around behind his back. 6 years is a long time and you both have betrayed him. however better she break it off now and not lead him on any longer. i think he deserves to know the truth. and the sooner the better. slowly he can pick up the pieces and get on with his life. i think she has betrayed him enough already so the sooner the breakup the better for all. personally i don't think this will work out for you two. why? a relationship borne out of deceit will always have questions. for a while the novelty will make it work but as time goes on you need to realise that betrayal speaks volumes for a person. i think you also mentioned previously that you all belong to a big circle of friends. have you considered how to explain this to them. your circle of friends will also be impacted by the two of you. so keep all this in mind. one thing that shold be key now is: NO MORE LYING. lies in the past worked for you both, going forward no more lies. with this friend of yours and friends as well.i wish you well but guilt can kill any relationship. in your case you still have to face your best friend after this girl breaks up with him. i actually don't think you will be able to face him and look him in the eye. the way you now conduct yourself will speak volumes about you as an individual. i think you owe your friend a proper explanation. it will be very hard, very uneasy conversation but you better be prepared for this. as i said no more lies. maybe he might appreciate your honesty, even though it is after the fact. i really hope this girl is worth the break up of a best friend. i think you are a decent guy and you are more troubled about this than this girl. she has convincingly lied to her bf for a while now, just be careful she doesn't do this to you in the future. you are throwing away a lot to be with this person. just be prepared for the consequences. good luck. i hope everything works out in the end.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): You should talk to the girl first. If the relationship has been going on for 6 years she may still feel something for him too and regret leaving him later. I would recommend talking to her and asking if both of you can wait at least 3 months. Second, it would be better for you to ask permission from your friend to date her, letting him know that you're in love with her and that it's what she wants too. This is just a formality of course, even if he says no you would still be with her. The question he's really answering is that whether he would still like to be friends with you. And he may not want her to be indirectly in his life so he may need to break his friendship with you too.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2009): to be honest shit happends and there nothing you can do about it. shit yall might be perfect for each other but the sword cuts both ways and your friend might be hurt but if you are really over someone then you are over then shit why doea that have to be a rule i say when it comes to your happyness fuck what everyone eslse thinks or feel do you you might lose a friend gain a lover hope that helps
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A
female
reader, mandyx99  +, writes (1 July 2009):
 6 years does sound like alot of time they have been together but if its not your friend that his gf really wants then whats the point?sounds like you two are deeply in love just go for it. your friend is going to be very disappointed at first but shes not the one for him and eventually he will get over it and he will understand.if both of you want to be together just do it already. your not a bad person i know it was wrong for even starting to like your friends gf or ex but thats just life .
good luck kiddo.
XX AMANDA XX
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