A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How attracted are you to your partner? The reason I ask this is because I can never find the right person for me. I've found girls I am attracted to but they seem to be disgusted by me. I've found girls that are attracted to me but they don't turn me on.Is this a situation where I'll have to settle with someone I can't see myself being faithful to? I've tried giving someone I wasn't atrracted to a chance in a relationship. I ended up breaking up with her because I just couldn't bare being close to someone I didn't love. Am I going to be alone forever? What do I do? How will I ever be happy in a relationship that I don't want? Life seems so cruel. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (28 March 2012):
When I first met my fiancee, I wanted to gain carnal knowledge of her right there in the restuarant! She showed up as the cousin of a co-worker at the time. As soon as I met her I couldnt get the perverted thoughts out of my head. I recall her getting up to go to the ladies room and her shaking her butt all the way to the door. For heaven's sake I was considering getting up and following her in there. Funny thing is - now I tell her the story she loves it. She also admitted to me that she was trying to get me to check her out on the way to the ladies room which is why she walked so slow.Fast forward a few years to this past weekend. We were getting ready to go out and see a movie. I see her walking around in her tight jeans and heels, with a button up shirt on, unbutton w no bra on. Damn sexy. Long story short, we never made it to the movie.Long story short, I thought my fiancee was smoking hot the first time I ever put my eyes on her, and I feel the same exact way years later. IMO the way it should be.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Life isn't cruel, but you haven't met the right one yet. No, don't settle. Don't be with someone you are not attracted to, both mentally and physically. If your partner doesn't turn you on then you are FRIENDS, not lovers.
Then again, I found that when I am in love, and when a person is good to me, that person becomes attractive to me. He might not have been someone I found attractive to begin with. He might even look ugly in pictures, or not attractive. But in person he could become very attractive by the way he carries himself, by the way he interacts with others. If he can make me proud to call him mine, then he is attractive to me. If he can give me butterflies in my belly and put a smile on my face he becomes attractive.
There are just so many things that make a person attractive to me. And the first impression or face value of someone is only one cause of attraction. I find it hard to be physically attracted to a person who is a douchebag, you know what I mean? Same as someone who is cruel to you is not someone you are likely to find attractive. Not long term anyway.
So what I am thinking is that you should give people a chance, sure. You shouldn't enter relationships with someone you are not attracted to! But, you should go on dates and spend time with people who you get along with, even if they don't strike you as "stunning" on the first look.
I found an easy way to settle whether I can build attraction towards someone or not. Imagine they are my boyfriend/girlfriend. And then I think "would I want to approach them and kiss them?" "would their smile make me smile?" "would it feel good to have their arms around me?" "would I be proud to call them mine?".
Another good indicator is smell. If you like how the person smells then there's a good chance you can fit together. If you do not like how they smell then stay away... bad chemistry.
I've always been attracted to my partners, but I must tell you that I've never been physically attracted to any of the men I have dated when I first saw them. I liked certain parts of them, but they didn't make me go "oh mi gosh he's adorable!!". Instead I was thinking "hmm, nice smile" or "nice eyes" or "haha, he's so funny and easy to talk to!". The physical attraction came by itself after a while of knowing them.
I do know that some men I look at are "wow, stud!". But that's not really an indication of how me and him will work as a couple... so I know I can't trust in physical attraction too much either.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
 NOPE never settle...
you will meet someone who may be somewhat attractive to you in some ways but not others...
when I met my NOW fiance he was cute... personality wise... not so hot physically but his BRAIN was one hot deal.... as we spent more and more time together he got cuter and cuter and cuter... now when I see him (and he's gained a good chunk of weight i might add) he's the hottest thing in my world... even with the crooked teeth.... his grin makes my heart melt...
what often happens in that a person who is mildly attractive to you physically is gorgeous on the inside and as you get to know them you find them more and more attractive on the outside.
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