A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I was on my partners computer tonight sending email for him on his instructions as he is away when a message came up saying Sally was wanting to talk. I clicked on link and I saw there were messages dating back a few weeks. I was surprised by what I saw. We have a business which is mine and have ordered stock from 23 year old Sally's company in China. It seems she and my partner have become quite friendly. My partner is 51.He asked her if she is single, does she have boyfriend, does she live with parents, what did she do on weekends etc etc. she tells him how she likes talking to him and sends him hearts and cheeky emoticons.... My fiancée says he has done nothing wrong. He told her she is sweet and talked about her attractive photo. I told him it was unprofessional for a start and I feel betrayed. Am I just jealous? Is it ok to flirt with someone so young whilst doing business . My partner is a flirt so perhaps I am over it.
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female
reader, Alex242  +, writes (12 April 2012):
Put the shoe on the other foot, and think what his reaction would be if the situation were reversed. I doubt he would say it's OK cos you are a flirty person.
I do not believe in excusing hurtful behaviour cos someone is a 'flirt'. No telling how many he is flirting with online; another scary thing is he could be flirting IRL, as well. It also doesn't take much to make an unstable person obsessed. I'm sure Sally is not, but he could run into one that is.
Yes, it is unprofessional, as well.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 If your partner is a flirt then there you go. This appears to not be the first or last time he will talk up a woman, flirt with her and pass the boundaries. Some people just don't see the harm in it. Some people enjoy the ego boost. Some people are just unaware and aloof, and as such don't realize how flirty they really are. Anyway, you said your husband is a flirt. I agree with you. He was crossing the line. But it doesn't sound like he agrees with you that he did, nor does it sound like he wants to do anything about it to change it. In fact, it sounds like he is quite comfortable continuing what he is doing and also making his marriage sour in the process.
He had no business prying into her personal life asking what she did on weekends and if she has a boyfriend. She's NOT a friend. She is not his daughter or family member. She's not a girl he met out on town being single himself. She's a business partner of yours... So yes to him being unprofessional, and yes to him being a flirt regardless of who this girl is.
Maybe he fails to see that the context in which he asked these questions were unprofessional and a betrayal towards you? Maybe your husband is actually not socially intelligent, you'd be surprised with how many people act normal, but then in some cases are clueless about social norm. Not all people have a high EQ (emotional intelligence which is needed for social interaction).
So yes, your husband might just not be smart enough to not flirt.... It takes a certain level of EQ to know when you are and when you are not flirting and whether it is appropriate or not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): I wouldn't worry to much about the contents. Maybe your fiancé is just a little out of practice on what's 'socially acceptable' small talk.
I would however be concerned with how this portraits your business. The girl may very well have been going along with the talk just to make sure the contract went ahead... give your man a stern talking to!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 You'll be on the most-solid ground if you DROP the "jealous" and "betrayed" bits and stick to "it's not proper and professional".....
You can ressurect the "jealous" and "betrayed" bits when he gets home and you can accost the cheating/lying scum in the bedroom!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
 She is over 21 so her age has no bearing on it.
I'd be a bit concerned that he's being unprofessional with a business colleague. It's a good idea to not mix business with pleasure first of all. Secondly if he is engaged other than 'hi how are you" and other pleasantries why does he feel the need to be so close to this girl?
my ex husband was an online flirt... even when I told him how it bothered me that I was NOT enough emotionally for him... but then he crossed the line...with forgetting to tell these flirtations that we were married... and telling them he had feelings for them that he should not have been and probably did not have...
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