A
female
age
30-35,
*onfusedSTAR
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years and I love him more than anything in the world. The only problem is where he lives. He live 2.5 hours away and we are both in college trying to graduate. I have tried everything to be closer to him but all the csu schools are not excepting transfers because of budget cuts. He goes to a JC so it will be a lot easier for him to transfer than it would be for me. We are both in our third year but he still only has the credits of a freshman because he has been slacking. He promised me that this semester would be different so he could finally get his act together and eventually transfer up with me so we could live together. This would make things a lot easier for us because then we could sign up for more classes and take more hours at our jobs because we would not have to worry about visiting each other. However, he missed two of his classes on his first day.Also, for our 1 year anniversary the only thing he did was take me out to dinner. Now I know I should appreciate the dinner but I had been telling him how excited I was for our anniversary for about six months and not to mention it was my birthday a few days after. No gift for my birthday either. I mean all I wanted was some flowers or at least a card. I brought it up to him and all he had to say was he had no money because he spends it all on driving to come see me. I drive to see him just as much if not more than he does and for valentines day I gave him a hand made card and an i-pod. He always tells me I was going to buy you this, or I was going to take you here, but he never actually does any of it. When I call him crying about how I miss him so much all he ever says is everything will be ok. How are they going to be ok if he only says that but never does anything about it. I love him but I am in college and being in a long distance relationship I give a lot of things up. I know he is worth it but I am just worried he doesn't care as much as I would like him to. I know he loves me and I trust him completely, I just want to know when he is going to get off his X-box and start preparing for the future. Please does any one have any advice for me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (2 September 2009):
 Reread your own letter and pretend it is from someone else... Then try to step outside of yourself and view this logically and without teary emotions. Then throw in the old saying - "Actions speak louder than words". Love isn't a feeling, love is an action. He might think he is being practical in justifying WHY he isn't putting in any effort, but you seem to be feeling the fallout from his practicality. I think that you may be more committed to this relationship and therefore, willing to put more effort (and fundage) into it.
I think that you should stiffen your backbone and back off of being his No.#1 fan club leader. Let him chase you and put in some effort. If he doesn't, then you will have an answer, even if it wasn't what you wanted.
I heard someone describe every relationship as having a gardener and a flower. You aren't the flower here, and most girls are hoping that someone, eventually, will treat them this way. But you aren't going to get there by sticking with another flower...
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