A
female
age
41-50,
*ealyham
writes:Some years ago, a guy was really into me. He helped me with everything, came to see me everyday and we shared a lot of common interests and had a lot of fun together. We were so close that people thought we were a couple. I suspected he liked me and it was proven one day when he confessed. But I rejected him because he was too young for me (he was 10 years younger than me) and I was in love with another man. I liked him A LOT but it was purely friendship. So I told him no. After that day, he was still giving his all to me until a point where I've taken it for granted. Then we went separate ways for a year. He hardly kept in touch with me and when we met again a year later, he came to see me at the airport. But from there everything was different. He treated me like we were never close before, he doesn't help me with anything at all, even if I asked or even if he was the only one there and could see that I needed help, he ignored me as much as possible, if we're with a group of friends he'd walk away, if I sit at a table he'll sit at the other, he argued every point of view I held...etc. We talked only if we have another friend around and we don't talk heart to heart anymore. It's very strange and difficult for me to relate to the new him. It was like going from one extreme to the other. He knew I was upset with him but he did nothing. Last year onwards, things had become a little better for both of us. We communicated better, though still awkward when it's just both of us, he was kinder to me and I learned to appreciate him openly. He still swings from being kind to being hostile with me but I pretended not to notice anything when he's into one of his strange behavior around me.Can someone tell me what's going on with him? I didn't and still don't know how to act in his presence because how am I supposed to treat someone I used to be so close with and then suddenly was almost a stranger? I really wish we could be close friends again. He's not really an open person. If I talk to him about this, I'm quite sure he will resist and build a thicker wall between us. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sealyham +, writes (11 November 2008):
sealyham is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou could be right Adey, like I said, it reached a point I took it all for granted. I read the lyrics of that song, made me sound like I'm the b**** here. It could be true but not completely. Sometimes I think I have feelings for him but then again it may be not, or it isn't love...maybe a selfish need for attention? I'm not sure. I talked about 'me' very much here because I'm trying to work out my own problem. Anyway thanks for all your answers, I think I know what to do.
A
male
reader, Adey  +, writes (10 November 2008):
I recommend you listen to a song called 'Don't Mug Yourself' by The Streets. Basically he was nice to you because he loves you. You don't love him so he has removed his love. His hostility is because he hurts and he wants you to know how it feels. Also from your question you seem very focused on what you want, how you feel and how you can have him be nice to you. Count the number of times you use the word 'I' or 'me'. I recommend you could improve things by paying some attention to what's going on in his life and be honstly interested in the answer. But don't expect somebody who is in love with you and hurting to be normal around you - especially if they are in their mid-20s.
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A
female
reader, sealyham +, writes (10 November 2008):
sealyham is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou may be right, I've thought of that possibility, but it's really sad in that case...because then we can never be close friends again. He was a dear friend. Actually that's what I've been doing lately - playing along with him and being polite, but not too overly friendly(he doesn't seem to want to either). It kinda hurts that things will never be the same again but well...hmmphh...I'll have to move on. :o( Thanks for your reply.
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