A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy who i met a few days ago when his mom brought him around my house.I agreed to talk to him as a friend only.but his mom wanted to match make us.i made sure that i was only giving out friend signals to him but then i overherd him asking someone if they thought that i liked him.So i just carried on talking to him in a friend way and turned down his offer of lending me his coat when i was cold because i didn't wan't to give him the wrong idea.He was even telling me about his past relationship with some girl and it made me really uneasy if felt like he thought that he was on a date of something.i was being polite that i didn't want to ask him to leave so i let him stay untill he wanted to go.then a day went by but then he decided to call and he tried to invite himself around the house i just said that it wasn't a good time because it wasn't for a few reasons.(i was having family problems and i was upset about this other guy who i like but that's also complicated)i didn't tell him about the reasons in the brackets.i just said that i had to deal with a few things.but i talked to him on facebook later but i didn't say much of anything.another day went by then because my mom told him that i was going to wales for the weekend he came around the day after with a big bar of galaxy chocolate.my sis answered the door he asked to talk to me but i was upstairs getting ready so he left.all i want to be is his friend but i think he wants something more how am i supposed to tell him that without hurting is feelings.i just want to make sure that he knows where i stand as a friend only.
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male
reader, Red Green 0289  +, writes (19 September 2009):
Emily's RIGHT ON THE MONEY WITH THAT... and I'm a guy, and have been there...
First, his feelings WILL be hurt, but that's NOT your problem. Be gentle, be understanding, explain that you just don't see him as anything more than a freind.
Odds are VERY HIGH that he'll not be able to change the way he feels about you... and that if you two remain close that this will resurface... been there, done that... and NO it's didn't work then either! She's NEVER seen me as a love interest...
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (18 September 2009):
You CAN'T just be his friend when he thinks he is in with a chance of something more. I know it sounds horrible and you sound like a nice girl who just wants to be nice to him.... But I've been there and done this and not wanted to upset a nice guy.
If you are nice to him and tell him you want to be his friend he will translate it as "she wants to get to know me and THEN she'll love me back." You will unintentionally lead him on. He's already buying you gifts and this will continue through out your friendship because that is what boys do to attract girls. It's a cave man thing.
If he was capable of having female friends and controlling his feelings then his MUM wouldn't be trying to set him up.
He's obviously a bit lonely and needs to grow up a bit and get some confidence but please please please believe me when I tell you that YOU won't be able to help him or be his friend. He'll just get his hopes up and follow you round hoping you'll change your mind.
He needs a decent male friend who can take him out and get him talking to some girls while drunk to get his confidence up.
Just politely but FIRMLY tell him that you are NOT interested in him in that way and you NEVER will be. You want to be his friend but you don't want to lead him on.
Good Luck!! xx
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