A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been living with my bf for 2 years now. We were in a long distance relationship before for almost 5 years. I moved in with him 2 years ago, and we've been living together ever since. The beginning was great; we were so happy with each other, we helped each other, and all that comes with a great relationship. Then, I was promoted to a better position and a better pay; but a very demanding and stressful job. We both kind of have a very demanding jobs. He also works long hours. When I get home; I am extremely tired, exhausted, and burned out from work. My feet hurts 'cause I stand on my them the whole day, many time, I don't even have time to have lunch. I also walk to work, so that my bf can use my car to work since his job is farer than mine job. He normally leave an hour before me (7:30am); but gets home earlier. I leave later to work, but sometimes I don't get home until 7 or 8 pm. I don't know about most people, but I get home and I can't move... literately...because I am so tired...Then, my bf wants me to cook for him, do the dishes, do the laundry, clean the house..etc.. He is constantly complaining about the fact that I am so careless with housework. When I get home, I ask him: what do you want to eat? then his response is: I don't know;.. you think of something!!You decide!! Then, we start fighting, 'cause he is mad and expect me to take care of the house.. cook and everything else.. He says the women should take care of the house, and says I don't care about the house chores. Well, I used to deeply clean the bathroom once every 15 days only, but it gets so dirty now, I do laundry every saturday; and cook. While, he does not even compromise since he has not giving me a ring or even propose to me. How is it that he expects a housewife without marrying them. Then, he says: how could I marry you, if you don't even take care of me or the house... I don't understand? Who is the victim here? me or him... I think I am... He is being unfair...Don't you think?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Why would he want to marry you in the first place? You are doing all the "things" that a wife would normally do without the commitment. He's got all the benefits right now (you are warming his bed, bringing in an extra paycheck, and doing the housework)
Sadly, I think you set yourself up on this one by living together without a marital commitment.
First off, if he wants to play the traditional game where a woman does the housework, then you could reply back that it's a man's job to provide and that you get to stay at home. That's what they did in the 50's. Also, in the traditional sense, people didn't live together... they got married first.
Also, if you guys have great jobs, why not hire a maid? Have them come in once a week to do a lot of the chores and see if that helps. Usually for under $100 you can get a team of them in to do a lot of the dusting, cleaning and vacuuming.
I think your boyfriend needs to wake up to the fact that you aren't his slave. Yes, we all have jobs around the house and guys do some better than women and vica versa. But it takes a team to have a happy household -- this may be the wake-up call you need in regards to whether your boyfriend is really in this together.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 Your bf seems to still be living in the 19th century, but in part you are to blame for letting him do that and not nipping the situation in the bud.
You both have demanding jobs with long hours, you both earn money and contribute to the household, why can't you split the house chores exactly half way ? Why are you supposed to take care of everything, cooking,cleaning, etc. ? ... It would ( perhaps ! ) make sense if you were a housewife, but you are working,and getting tired, as much as he does.
There's a need for compromise here. Each of you could prepare dinner every other day. You could take turns on Saturday for cleaning the apartment, - or doing it together , so it's less solitary. Or, since you both work... the best would be hiring a cleaning lady , 3 or 4 hours once a week, or even every two weeks, won't break the bank and it will save you lots of arguments and resentment. It's really worth to cut down on other expenses
for something that will massively help keep the peace.. and your physical health.
Of course, if he is resistent to making changes and meeting you halfway , or a quarter of the way to begin with, as much in love as you can be, you seriously will have to reconsider the possibility of a common future.
it's no fun to live with a slavemaster- and I have seen more marriages sink down over the piles of dirty dishes than over more serious issues like cheating !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): I think you know the answer to this. He has probably been raised by a mom who did everything for him so he expects these things to be done by you now. Tell him that you can't do all of this by yourself and he needs to help.Even if he gives you a ring and you two get married this is not your responsibility to do everything for him and he needs to learn that now. A relationship is about helping each other and sharing these things together. If he loves you and truly wants more than a maid as his gf/wife he will start to change.Suggest making a list of things that you'll each take care of and stick to it. If he gets home earlier maybe he can take care of most of the cooking if he is a good cook. Maybe he can take a cooking class if not.
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