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female
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anonymous
writes: Ever since my ex boyfriend i have been getting unwanted sexual thoughts about anyone. I would never ever act on it but i even get them for a kid i babysit who is 1. I think i only get them for him though because when i was 5-7 i got on top of another kid who didn't know or was sleeping (i forgot) and i might have humped and when i was 8-10 i put my cheast in my younger cousin's face who is 7 years younger. i can't get past that so now i have these thoughts. It is definetly effecting my relationship with my boyfriend, friends, and family so how do i get past this. Is this normal to even get those unwanted thoughts about kids or family or friends? On other websites a few people called me pedophile or a wh*re. I was a KID though!!!!! Can someone please help with all this?Ever since my ex boyfriend, i have been getting these thoughts and i remembered the past from when i was a kid because he was so controlling and made me tell him EVERYTHING. It's effecting my every day life knowing i did that as a kid and knowing i get those unwanted thoughts. Please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): you have answered your own question you were a child at the time because you feel ashamed your mind tells you all sorts of things could you maybe you want to there just thoughts im sorry for people calling you a peophile everyones got a different answer everyone thinks differtly
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (5 October 2006):
 You're telling just the aftermath of what happened, and then you're getting upset when people judge you on the symptoms of your real problem. No one can help you if they don't have the real issue, or the whole story. Even then only a few people have the training and schooling to really help you. Some adult sexual abuse survivors like group sessions but usually children are in private sessions.
Tell an adult you trust what happened to you (school counselor) and if they don't listen tell another adult, and keep telling adults until you get the help you need. Get specific, don't skip on details, name names and don't stop until you get help. If it is still happening you need to contact the police and if they don't believe you call your local child protective services in your area.
As for experimenting with sex, children age 5-7 DO NOT experiment sexually. Children are too young to understand sexual feelings, all they can do is mimic. That type acting out is a huge billboard sign to those trained that the child is the victim of sexual abuse. Curiosity is different then acting out sexually.
You're not to blame for what you did as a child, yet you are old enough to ask for and demand the help you need.
Check out these books at your local library to help while you get counselling started-up:
Beginning to Heal: A First Book for Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse
By Ellen Bass and Laura Davis, New York: Harper Collins Publications, 1993
The Me Nobody Knows: A Guide for Teen Survivors
By Barbara Bean and Shari Benney, New York: Lexington Books, 1993
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (5 October 2006):
I think you need to talk to someone but honestly my love, if that's all that happened then I say you were just a kid experimenting. You didn't hurt anyone, I bet they've forgotten it anyway. Stop beating yourself up about it and I think it'd be best to stop replaying it on the net because you are making yourself vulnerable to people - as you've found. You are not a paedophile or even, I think, a danger to children. You are unhappy and stressed. Get help, speak to your doctor. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (5 October 2006):
 I think that being able to ask help for something like this is pretty brave of you. But I do agree with Jadzia in that you should stay away from the baby sitting thing and other situations where you'll be unsupervised with kids. It'll be better that way so you dont run the risk of doing anything inappropriate (and illegal).
Seeing a counsellor would really help you get over this. Your ex boyfriend might've triggered something to make you feel these things.
I hope you get over this quickly and stay away from guys that are as controlling and possessive as your ex
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127 +, writes (5 October 2006):
There is a reason behind this behavior, and you aren't facing up to what happened to you or need therapy to un-repress memories. Children DO NOT act out this way unless shown the way by someone else. Most likely a trusted adult, or a friend.
Something sexual happened to you before the age of 5-7. You need to be in counselling to face it, deal with it, and get past it. Talk to your school counselor and hopefully they will get you the help you desperately need.
Until then you need to remove yourself from situations that include young children. This includes stopping the babysitting.
This type of behavior is very self-destructive and can land you in jail.
Please get the help you need so you can have the future you deserve.
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