A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Lawn Care Specialist Reply I am 24 and just lost my virginity last night. Almost all my friend lost their virginity during teenage, so I told my bf that I have had sex with few person before but when I saw his penis size, I almost fainted, he is about 9" and very very thick around. I thinks his size is abnormal as I expecting something about 5". I am afraid that he will find out i was a virgin if he hurt me a lot.I just told him that I never have sex with this big size before and hope he can take it slow. When he penetrate me, he try to make it slow but look like my vagina is very small and he need to thrust hard. Once he get the head inside, the pain was horrible, I felt like my vagina stretch beyond the limit and split, I try to control not to scream even it is too painful for me to handle, hopping he did not not notice I am a virgin. He keep telling me that I am tighter than the virgin he had sex before. I understand that the pain is from my hymen and the painful part was over (I think).It is not easy for him to push inside me (may be he is too big or I am too small), each heavy push only able to enter me a little bit, once he enter a little more, the stretching pain appear again and split me into half again. This continue for few thrust (may be 9~10 thrust) and then he come, it is not easy for me to handle every thrust. He said he just enter me about 3.5" and he come so quickly due to my tightness. He said will have sex again next week and I am afraid the remaining 5.5" will continue to hurt me like that.I have a few question:1) Is his size abnormal?2) Is this size not suitable for a first timer?3) Is the pain I felt normal to a girl when she lost her virginity? or it is too much for me to handle?4) I felt my vagina split, it is really split?5) Everybody talking about hymen breaking pain, why I felt the stretching pain was more than hymen tearing?6) I actually bleed a lot but just told him is due to his size. Do you think that he notice that I was a virgin?
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (12 November 2009):
 Heya, first time sex is always either painful, uncomfortable or a bit of a let down - those who enjoy it, feel comfortable and experience no pain or bleeding are lucky and I'm jealous :D
In all seriousness, the fact that you were a virgin before hand probably should have been discussed with this guy - he might have been a little gentler or made sure that you were ok. Sex doesn't have to be painful but if you're having sex with someone, whether for the first time or not, you should really try to be honest with them about how you're feeling in order to make it a better experience for yourself.
To answer your specific questions, in order:
1. His size isn't abnormal, no. Most guys are between 3 and 9 inches, some are bigger, some are smaller, but I think 9 is the larger in the range of "average". I've never experiences anything less than 8 inches myself, but I might just have been lucky.
While 9 inches isn't "abnormal" it is pretty big, but not necessarily too big for you, you might just need to consider going a little slower and using a lubricant for the first few times until you're ok with it.
In some circumstances size may be a problem if you are incompatible, but it is probably due to it being your first time that it was awkward and uncomfortable.
2. As I said, its not unsuitable for a first timer, no, but if you had let him know that you were a first timer, he might have been a little gentler and/or you could have taken your time and enjoyed it a little more.
3. An amount of pain is normal for a first timer, but if you are/were in agonizing pain, then you should stop and/or take it slow and again, use a lot of lubricant to ease friction and lessen the pain. NEVER feel as though you have to carry on with sexual intercourse if you are in pain and uncomfortable. You can ask him to stop, it is your body.
4. You may think that you felt your vagina split, but it is unlikely that it is anything to worry about. If you are experiencing bleeding or stinging when you pee then you might want to think about visiting your gynecologist for a check up just to make sure everything is ok "down there". You shouldn't have sex again if you are still in pain. You should wait until you have physically healed from it.
5. Most likely the stretching you felt was normal. Because you've never felt the sensation before it is difficult to explain whether it was or was not what you thought it was that you were feeling. Most people feel some discomfort during sex but they would not necessarily notice the hymen tearing at the time. If, again, you are still in pain now, you should consider a check up to make sure everything is good down there.
6. If you bled a lot at the time, he might have thought that you were inexperienced or have his suspicions that you were a virgin, but he won't know for sure unless you choose to discuss this with him, which is something you don't have to do.
If you're planning to have sex with this guy again in the future, express to him that the last time was uncomfortable and suggest that you would like to use some kind of extra lubrication to ease the tightness and/or pain/discomfort.
Never feel that you have to hide anything when it comes to sex and being comfortable with it. There should be no reason why it cannot be a comfortable and enjoyable experience no matter his, or your, size.
Good luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): his size is fine. some women feel pain first time others dont. like i didnt. i dont think you should have lied to him about being a virgin. perhaps you should tell him the truth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): 1) Is his size abnormal?
Yes - this is normal. Penises come in all shapes and sizes although his is on the large size.
2) Is this size not suitable for a first timer?
If he has a big penis this may make it more difficult for you than if you were having sex with someone with a smaller penis. But there is no such thing as "unsuitable for a first timer."
3) Is the pain I felt normal to a girl when she lost her virginity? or it is too much for me to handle?
You probably need to me more sexually excited before he penetrates you. The vagina can stretch to let a baby out remember! I would recommend that you ask him to stimulate you until you are really wet, or even bring you to orgasm first with his hands or tongue - and then see if it is easier for him to penetrate you.
4) I felt my vagina split, it is really split?
I doubt it very much - for the reasons stated above. But do see a doctor just to make sure everything's ok.
6) I actually bleed a lot but just told him is due to his size. Do you think that he notice that I was a virgin?
I think that you should probably tell him that you're a virgin anyway. You have to have openness and trust before you can relax sexually with someone. Probably one of the main reasons you felt so much pain is because you were not relaxed and were tensing your muscles. If you are worrying so much about what he thinks you're not going to be able to relax and focus on your own experience are you!? You need to be honest with him before you can start a fulfilling sexual relationship.
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