A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm having trouble with my boyfriend! We've been going out for a year. I've lied about a few things to him and he found it all out. I've asked for forgiveness and made promises to be better, to be more trustworthy. Unfortunately, i went against my words - broke my promise and lied again!! I know it's unforgiving but I really love this man and i don't know why i'm stupid enough to do all this to him! I've failed to be a trustworthy girlfriend - someone who can live up to her words. I'm someone who've wrecked this relationship i have with him. He really loves me also and he gave me a chance. If i can come up with 15 things of why and how he should trust me.. then he will start all over with me again. We will have a new relationship with bad old memories gone. Please help me!! i need to save my relationship!! thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (12 November 2009):
 Trust takes a while to be re-established. You can only do this by behaving yourself for a period of time so no more lies or fibs. You need to come across as open and trustworthy and this needs to be demonstrated to him by you doing as you say you are doing, being where you are supposed to be, being kind about his family , being helpful when required and by being a generally good person. I don't know what you have been lying about but he hasn't been scared off so far so he obviously loves you a great deal. I would imagine you could come up with 15 things if you think about it but probably around 5 nice positive things would do it. I used to be a terrible liar and it is ultimately very destructive. Men will normally forgive you if you have not lied for personal gain or if it is for childish reasons but you must try to get out of the habit. I suggest when you feel the need to lie that you either cut the conversation if it is on the phone or stop yourself and go into a different room or go and make some tea if it is on a face to face basis. The real answer to this is to maintain an open honest relationship going forward and it is really just a matter of time. Even a couple of weeks can make a huge difference and get you back on track.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 November 2009):
 "I've lied about a few things to him and he found it all out. I've asked for forgiveness and made promises to be better, to be more trustworthy. Unfortunately, i went against my words - broke my promise and lied again!!"
I think you've proven yourself not to be trustworthy, to be honest. You've blown it.
Not many people grant second chances to trust. To do it a third time would be stupid. I wouldn't trust you if I was your boyfriend.
Or as George Bush once failed to put it: "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".
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