A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I need some advice if possible, 4 years ago a girl blew me away that I chased after her to let her know she just made my heart skip a beat, she smiled but politely told me she was in a relationship, but we have since became friends.Over the course of these 4 years, I found my feelings have been going out of control. She has recently broke up from said relationship and we have been able to converse with each other more. Sometimes she struggles having 2 Children and having little to no support from the father that I find myself helping her out. She knows how I feel about her and I swore I will not let it affect our friendship as she is not ready for another relationship. I mean we do a lot of things together, go to concerts, go out to dance club and take the kids out for the day. As far as the friendship goes its all good.My problem is the feelings are tearing me apart inside. Everytime I see her to this day I get shakey hands my heart races like an Adrenalin rush. I can honestly say no girl has ever made me feel this way. When im not around her I feel really overwhelmed like I have just lost someone. I want to break off the friendship but I am scared of the affect it will have on me being without her friendship. I really don't know what to do!! Please excuse my typing.(HELP!)I cant focus anymore.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): hai,
i am sorry to hear that you r in so much pain.You treat her as a friend and help her as a friend.Dont expect that she may agree to marry you.Real love is selfless.But dont continuously try to be with her,show her that r able to enjoy your life with friends without her and help her if she only requests.You need to maintain your dignity as a friend and not appear like a worker who is doing things expecting her to marry you one day.Make her realize your importance as a good friend.Do not behave like a husband continuously being there with her when you are not.
Try to do some meditation to calm your mind and get control of your feelings.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2012): "I want to break off the friendship but I am scared of the affect it will have on me being without her friendship."
You're more scared of what life will be like without the constant unbearable torture of being really close to a woman you're head over heels for but you will never have?
Having been in your situation I'm terrified of being there again. It's an unimaginable pain that never goes away until they go away.
OP a life without her will be heaven compared to a life with her in it. Don't let the guilt of her being hurt losing a friend be a factor either, you did your very best but it's time to cut the cord now and move forward.
Enough is enough, you have to rip this one off like a plaster, you've been slowly picking away at it but now you have to end this and you have to take the short, sharp pain so you can get over her.
OP 4 years of a life of pain is enough, time you started working towards ensuring your long term happiness.
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A
female
reader, Samantha Lynn  +, writes (14 April 2012):
You could always wait and get closer to her(as good friends) and then mabey when she starts feeling like she likes you then you could start telling her she looks really pretty or she looks beautiful, girls love when guys do that especially infront of your friends. but if shes not ready to date then just keep being her close friend and calling her beautiful and help her around with the kids and just make her laugh(: hope this helps?
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (14 April 2012):
 Gut feeling is to say step back and let her miss you . You have a good relationship as friends but what if she meets another guy and starts dating again ? Its really gonna hurt you badly . if she has never seen you as b/f material its hard to say if she ever will At the minute your like part of the furniture always there to help out so start being busy and less available It may work.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 April 2012):
 There have been men that makes my heart skip a beat but absolutely had no purpose in my life. I have been in serious relationships with no adrenaline rush and they work just as fine. You act like a father figure to her children but some day her children will want to call dad and not feel bad that their mom will correct them, saying, no he is a friend.
Without her, your life will just be like before you had met her. Your life has not become more meaningful after you met her, so you are bound to meet some woman who will love you as much as you love her. You can not lose someone you never had. The only thing you lose here is the out of control sensations in your body, and the futile infatuation.
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