A
male
age
30-35,
*r.milli
writes:This is a long story in a question hopefully somebody has the time.. My girl friend and me have been together on and off since I was 15 and im now 19 ..she has seen me in past relationships and stood by as a friend, and vice versa...when we hooked up her brother and me were friends, our pull to be together seperated us for a while because her mother didnt want me talking to her,saying i used her brother to get together..for awhile we text under the radar and soon drifted apart..eventually we end up hooking back up in june 06 i assumed that since we were back in relations(having sex and conversating) we were together again..the end of the month i got locked up for 8 months... i sent her 3 letters via my mother since i never knew her address..she got the messages..but never wrote back...i heard from my ex that she was moving out of the state...i felt hopeless...i loved this woman with no hesitation...when i got out i was getting ready to graduate and i seen her cousin... she told me that my girlfriend really wanted to talk to me ...to make a long story short we hooked up and found out that she had been seeing someone else and the boy had broken her heart(though she said she didnt love him)..i felt like it was deserved but still we got back together..This started my insecurities i felt i couldnt trust her..i cheated on her with my ex and felt bad afterwards but soon found out i had caught an std...i told her straight and forward..she forgave me and since has been staying with me ...one day about 4 months later she caught chlamydia and told me she didnt know how she caught it..i believed her butmy paranoia wouldnt let me..she says she wouldnt hurt me regardless of what i did..but as soon as i believe her im back at square one..for months we've been havin less sex because of work and college...this only adds to the insecurities and paranoia how do i solve this?...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): Mr.milli,
Sorry you haven't gotten many responses. From your letter, I understand you love your girlfriend very much and have no intention of leaving her. You want to get over this jealousy and distrust and make your relationship work.
You have treated her very badly. You let yourself get locked up, you cheat on her, you get an STD. Now you are insecure and paranoid, well how the hell do you think she is feeling. If you turned things around, if she did these things to you, how would you feel. You are at fault. She probably caught the chlamydia of her last boyfriend, the symptoms don't always show up straight away. But if she decided to cheat on you. then unfortunately you selfish man, it's just what you deserve.
Right, that's all in the past now. You love her and you want to make things better. Firstly the past must stay in the past. It dose you no good to look back and worry about things that cannot be changed. The guy that got locked up, the guy that cheated, that's not you, that's the guy you were before, now you have changed. I want you to take your girlfriend out, I want you to buy two lockets, or two rings, something she can wear, and you can wear. A promise of your intentions. Tell her that the past is the past, and give her the locket/ring as a commitment of your new life together. If you need to share your past secrets, this is the time to do it. Ask her to be totally truthful, you be truthful as well, then make a promise that this is all in the past, and for now the future will be based on love, honesty, happiness and total commitment to each other. Give her a token of your commitment to her, and start treating her better than you did in the past. Make a new beginning and leave the past in the past and concentrate on your future happiness with her.
You cheated, so it makes you feel better to assume that she cheated as well.. Well she is not you, she sounds like a nice person. I don't think she could cheat or hide secrets from anyone. Your just thinking these things because cheating is something that you would do, and you assume that she must be the same. She's not, she sounds like a nice girl. You have work and college, no problem, that is life. Just make sure that when your together you smile and do fun things. Then when you are away from her you'll still be happy. Your not the only one with work and college, most people do these things and still have relationships. Concentrate on joy, happiness and love and all should be well.
A
male
reader, Mr.milli +, writes (15 January 2009):
Mr.milli is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for taking time outand reading my letter..
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A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (15 January 2009):
 Aloha! Sooo, we have all heard the same old saying "a working relationship is based on love and trust", and it sounds to me as if this particular relationship has lost it's trust foundation completely, and whats worse is physical damage has been done as well. (I hope no children are involved). I really am a believer that time and good behavior are the only heart ache healers. Words are easy to spurt out, but it takes determination and honesty to act out feelings over a long period of time. I believe we all experience things in order to help us grow and learn, and I hope the pair of you have learned from the mistake of not only sleeping with other partners, but doing it unsafely, and putting your lives in danger. (Not trying to lecture or anything here, but simply putting things in perspective for you). So you wonder what to do now? Let time and good behavior be your guide. Take care of YOU first! It sounds like you have made a few silly decisions (we all do), so focus on you for a little while, then it will be a good time to be a good life long partner to a lucky girl, wether it be her or another. Good luck:)
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