A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First of all im writing in to just ask for help because everyone I speak to says I need to sort it myself but I seriously don't know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 12 months, I am 5 months pregnant and he treats me like I'm nothing. When we first got together he was lovely but as time went on things got worse and he ended up cheating on me with my cousin, from then on it has been hard trusting him. we have split up a few times, i fell pregnant when we werent together after one night, but of course the baby didnt ask to be born and i didnt have the heart to terminate.So we have decide to try again, but now i can't trust him he treats me like am nuthing, its hard enough gettin him to cuddle me i have tried everything but he doesnt seem to understand i just get accused of stopping him doing wot he wants to do. i mean he yells at me for simple things, i do clothes washing as a nice gesture and he moaned that his tops will shrink because i put them in the dryer when it was wet out so i couldnt hang them out. just everything please help I'm at the end here and I really love this guy and would do anything to give the baby a good life.
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female
reader, lotus mama808  +, writes (15 January 2009):
 I have been helping a very good friend of mine deal with the same sort of situation here. She just had her baby a week ago, but trough her entire pregnancy, her partner has treated her very poorly. He mentally abused her to no end, and cheated on her, etc, etc. Through her pregnancy, as her best friend, I let her decide what to to do with little input because really, it is her decision, as it is yours. However, after the baby came, she developed a severe case of post pardum depression. I mean severe. The stress and mental abuse he gave her had a large contribution to this. He was at the hospital when the baby was born, and suddenly, he wanted to be a "good daddy". That was fine and all, but my friend had already decided to move away with her parents as a resultof his crappy behavior. So, he began his mental abuse trip again, telling her she was taking the baby away from him, and such (mind you, my friend did EVERYTHING to make the relationship work, he gave up on her). His attempt to control her was not making her mental state any better. So, who do you think suffers the most here? THE BABY. His dad is hardly around, and his mom can hardly take care of him because she is too depressed, and suffering bad anxiety. (she is on a number of medications to try and help, but even they have yet to work!) My point here is that if you continue to make all the effort, and he does not, you too will be likely to suffer more when baby arrives, and that is not a good thing for baby. Your focus should be on you and your baby, not him and his controlling behaviors. Many mamas tollerate a lot from their partners because they believe it is the best thing for baby, but in the end, the best thing for baby was when she left that horrible situation! (I too, have been through this with my 1st sons father.) The choice is truly yours, but try to remamber, you are also deciding the lifestyle of your baby too, so make it a wise choice. Good luck! (by the way, do you know what you're having? I am pregnant with my 3rd child, 7 months along, and it is a boy:)
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