A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do you know when the break-up's for real, and you're not going to get back together?I know you're supposed to always believe that it's permanent, but how do you force yourself to give up that hope when neither party's moved on, both seem to be miserable, and you believe with your entire being that the two of you belong together and just need to learn how to communicate better? How do you move on when you aren't even sure the person who dumped you knows why he ended it, and no matter how strongly you remind yourself that you have absolutely no patience for the self-deluding practice that so many women use of ignoring a man's words and substituting their own meaning, you just can't believe that this could possibly be the right thing, either for you or for him?Can someone please beat the hope out of me, because it's killing me. Being broken up is hard enough. being broken up for almost a week now, and still feeling that let-down every time the phone rings and it's not him ... every time i check my email and he hasn't written ... it is tearing me upi can't do this.
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female
reader, dangerkat  +, writes (13 November 2007):
I'm curious how this worked out...I'm in a similar situation and was trying to find previous questions that may help.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): He broke up with you. That's the first thing to look at.
Maybe you think you belong together and that you are both miserable being apart. But fact is, YOU are miserable. How would you know whether he feels the same since you have not heard from him?
It has only been a week, and so you are grieving and feeling traumatized. After so brief a time, that is to be expected. Right now, I would do nothing in terms of contacting him. He knows your phone number and can always call you if he feels breaking up was a big mistake! Or, even if it was not a mistake, that he may just want to explain why he did split. In any event, evidently something wasn't working for him or he would not have ended it, right?
Give it a month and meantime keep busy and go out with friends, concentrate on your job, and do things you enjoy! Spend a little time thinking about what might have caused the break, and see what you can learn from it - but don't spend hours and hours dwelling on it! As time goes on you may feel differently.
Having said that, I'll say now that if after a month, or six weeks have gone by and you still are convinced that the break-up was due to a miscommunication, then give him a call and see how he is. Keep it light, but just see if he welcomes the chance to talk or if he gives you the brush-off, or, if you leave a message, see if he returns your call.
But for the time being, leave it alone, and focus on YOUR life. Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2007): Hi
I guess you need to decide whether or not you are clutching at the realisation that your relationship is fading in to the past or if you genuinely believe it is salvageable and was down to poor communication.
You state that this guy is miserable and that you don't think he even knows why he ended it, but - unfortunately - he did end it and he hasn't been the one to contact you.
If you really think your relationship failed because of poor communication then why don't you contact him and see if you can talk about it? Or at least, get some closure and hear him tell you that it is over for good, it doesn't sound like he done a very good job of this if he did intend on you guys breaking up for good.
I don't really think you have anything to loose by contacting him. You'll either find out that he is feeling the same way as you, or you'll see that he does actually feel it was the right choice and wants to move on.
You should also remember that one week for some breakups is nothing - you are obviously still in shock and in disbelief about it. Trauma can take much longer than one week to sink in but it will get easier once you know what's going to happen.
So I'd say, either contact him or make the choice to stop waiting for his calls, or an email because it could possibly never happen. Either way, you need to take control of this situation, don't wait on his actions to dictate how you are going to act.
I hope things work out in the way you want them to :)
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A
female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (7 February 2007):
 hi
been there several times but a girl gotta move-on. it is still too soon for you to let go but as stupid as it is sound it is also a good time for you to train your mind to let go, this is the time that delusion is at its best, you dream of him coming to you and tell u he made a mistake and when you wake it please dont call it a dream start calling it a nightmare. know that healing start from the mind and what controls it is our thinking so you can start by writting all the disadvantages of being in that relationship and be greatful it ended when you still had your sanity intact. then scribble all the advantages and cherish them thats what you had and it made you happy with him but you have a chance to explore new opportunities. so open your heart and mind to new dates put your energy on things that gives you hope as a person and stay focussed on your priorities.
we dump and get dumped everyday is not everyday that you will get a valid reason and even if you get one it will not make it better. you might be thinking if you cheated on him or visaversa it was gonna feel better nop the pain still feels the same or even wrse because you start wondering what did you do wrong that push him to another woman. yes life is unfair thats why everything comes and go especially when we need them the most. good luck
jovial
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