A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I may be completely outrageous here but this is my situation. a long time crush just broke up with her bf of 6 year (he cheated). i took the opportunity to comfort her but i definitely had feelings for her. we started hanging out as friends once a week, this last months as i knew she would want to wait before the started dating again. i finally asked her out and she instantly resisted against dating. she proceeded to tell me that she "really" likes me but she has serious trust issues and she feels she owes it to herself to be single for a while. we agreed to continue hanging out and see what happens. we started hanging out less frequently but still flirted. In the meantime, a friend of mine expressed interest in me and one thing lead to another after a couple months of spending time together, we hooked up. no sex but fooling around. 2 different times. after the second time i decided to put a stop to it because this girl was starting to have feelings. since then (its been about 3 weeks) i went out to a club with the original girl, we had fun and danced and it seems as though she is coming around. however, i cant help but feel overwhelmed with guilt that i hooked up with someone in the meantime. it's now been 8 months since me and the first girl started hanging out, nothing has ever happened but i feel if it did at this point and she found out about me and my friend it would further re affirm her trust issues in men. Was i wrong in what i did? and would it be unfair for this girl to hold it against me considering i didn't think anything would happen with us?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your response, i didn't know the second girl had feelings until after wee hooked up the first time and she said she was just thinking about me more often. I've been very honest with her and told her i didn't feel the same and we talked for along time before the 2nd occurrence and she insisted that we she didnt care and wanted to fool around anyways. once i could tell that she had really fallen for me i put a stop to it and we've since talked and i think she understand. we're still good friends so it seems. I just dont want the first girl to think im dishonest or the type of guy who hooks up with every girl he sees. and yes of course i dont want to be cheated on but this girl dumped her ex the day she found out and they havnt spoken since expect to exchange things. i just think she's tuned off from relationships in general which is too bad because she might miss out!
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (20 November 2012):
 You're single, so it isn't wrong to do what you did in terms of cheating on this girl you've been interested in. How do you know that she didn't also have a quick hookup as part of her healing process?
Right now, this girl you've been pursuing is only your friend. I do take issue with you fooling around with this second girl who has feelings for you. It's good you put a stop to it, but she has feelings too, and it's not fair to lead her on only to go cold on her.
Your choice is either to keep pining for this original girl, or to find someone who doesn't have emotional baggage stopping her from connecting with you. Personally, I'd be wary about getting involved with someone who isn't over their ex and takes 8 months and still isn't over him. Imagine if you two did get together, only to have Mr. Cheater contact her and get inside her head again. You'd find yourself in the position of your girlfriend cheating on you with her ex, and then it's YOU with the baggage.
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