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male
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anonymous
writes: I need help. I have been faithful to my girlfriend of almost 5 months. She has a history of dating guys who, unfortunately, cheated on her, including her ex-fiance. I love her deeply but made 2 mistakes: right after we started dating, on old, brief love interest called and my girlfriend picked up the phone. She asked about the girl, and, because I didn't want her to think that anything was going on, I told her that she was just an acquaintance whom I met at a business function (stupid, I know). The other mistake was that I called a girl just to help her with something even though she sent me a flirtatious text message. I never cheated, never wanted to, and have been crazy about my girl from the beginning. The problem is that she knows the truth and now, despite having known this for over 3 months, and many great times, she wants to break it off. She is convinced that there was more going on, and I am trying to rebuild the trust. I am really crazy about this woman and want to build my life around her. I have done everything imaginable to prove that I am not a cheater, but she gets angry and is disbelieving. I have repeatedly told her the truth, and honestly think that she is overreacting. Help!! Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2005): I've been in your girlfriend's postion. A couple of my ex-boyfriends cheated on me and then there was a lot of confusion surrounding my now ex-fiance and my brother's girlfriend! In my case my problem is that I never felt like I had a satisfactory explanation for what had happened. What upset me more was that I had to hear this from other people and not from my fiance!
She's been hurt in the past so her trust in men was already questionable before you were together, a set back like this will make her want to get out before you can cheat. I'm not saying you will, I'm just trying to explain what she'll be thinking because that's how I felt.
Give her room. I don't know if you've done this already, but try sitting her down and talking about it. Let her ask any question she likes, and be completely honest with your answer. Don't hold anything back because if she takes you back, and she discovers something that you decided would be better not to tell her to protect her, then you'll not only have lost her for good, but her chances of trusting any guy again will be gone.
Dangerous ground my friend. Take care because both of your happiness is at stake
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