A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on holiday and we had a holiday romance. We kept in touch for a couple of months.I wasn't naive, and I knew that barmen like him chase lots of girls, and I was just another on his list. I liked him a lot, but I didn't expect him to keep in touch the way he did. He added me on facebook. He made another profile just for me, saying that his other profile was just for customers. He also texted me every week, and he always replied to me. Now he turns around out of the blue, saying that he doesn't believe me when I say that I miss him. He won't reply to me, and I'm really upset.I did love him on holiday, back home I thought about him everyday, but I didn't want to get attached to him, because I didn't trust him and I might just be another customer to him. He has to be with girls because his boss makes him. You can see why I tried not to attach myself to him. I can't get him out of my head, and I am wondering now if he did actually love me, and I wasn't just another customer. All opinions appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your help
and im not codependent, but it is an interesting concept. i have never been needy, infact, in past relationships, guys say i dont see them enough! i think it was just a whole new experience and nobody has been as sweet as giving me roses etc, so i got a little caught up. and when i say a little, i mean a lot, but thats what teenage girls are like. sometimes i still think about him, but i snap back to reality. i will always look back on him and my holiday with a smile. but i have moved on and have a boyfriend. me and the barman e-mail still from time to time, and its nice to keep in touch. i know and fully appreciate now that it is part of his job, that he has to flirt, but he made me holiday special, and thats what i wanted, so i cant complain. and it's a learning experience isnt it? :)
thanks again x
A
male
reader, jimrich  +, writes (19 September 2010):
google: Codependency
and learn about your condition. Codependents get 'attached' very easily because they are needy and incomplete by them self.
re: I did love him on holiday, back home I thought about him everyday,
re: I can't get him out of my head, and I am wondering now if he did actually love me, and I wasn't just another customer.
... That is CODEPENDENT thinking and feeling. A low self esteem Codependent gets hooked into believing they 'love' someone but it isn't love at all - it's NEED. They suffer form fantasies about 'lovers' who end up hurting them because they have low self respect and fragile self worth.
The good news is that Codependency can be cured as you will see if your google Codependency. It's really about improving and raising your self worth and self esteem so you are not such a sucker for barmen and other 'sharks' out there. It's up to you to fix your self or go on being a tempting target for USERS and ABUSERS just waiting for a nice little foolish Codependent to show up on their radar.
Good luck fixing your Codependency.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (19 September 2010):
Sorry to break your heart even more, but you were just another customer in his life. I'm sure he's played a lot of girls like you before, and he will play a lot more after as well. Please don't sit there taking it personally. I think you were played, just like a lot of others.
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