A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I would appreciate some feedback on a problem my boyfriend and I have concerning holidays. We are both very mature adults with grown up children and I can't believe we can't sort this out ourselves. We have been toegether for 8 years but don't live together, we see each other once or twice a week and are very fond of each other. Usually we have one holiday a year together and then my boyfriend has two holidays with "the lads" and, if I can afford it, I have been one holiday with my girlfriends. However every few years my boyfriend gets it into his head that he needs a "mega" holiday alone. A few years ago he went to visit relatives in the states for three weeks, he told me I couldn't go with him as he was meeting some of these relatives for the first time. I was hurt and upset as I really wanted to go to the states and also upset that he had lied to me as he was actually visiting friends as well.Then last year he told me just before he went that he was going to stay with his ex girlfriend and her family, he hadn't told me before as he knew how upset I would get. This year he disappeared for two months on a foreign language course and a "boys" holiday, when he got back I found he had also gone on another holiday he had not mentioned. I had been due to join him at that for a week at some stage during this period but he messed up the bookings so I couldn't go. He was only back for 10 days when he went off for another "boys" holiday. He feels I am unreasonable to get upset that he wants to spend so much time away from me and says there is nothing untoward or unremarkable about the way he behaves. However I do not know anyone else who excludes their girlfriend from so much. What do you guys think???
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 October 2008):
Sounds like he wants a holiday from you!
Wanting alone time is fine but he sees you so little anyway that this says to me that he just wants to be a bachelor with complete freedom.
Do you really care enough for him to put up with that or would you be happier just telling him to not come back from his holiday and finding a man who actually likes being around you?
Good Luck!! xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): Hi. Well, I don't want to burst the bubble of happiness, but it sounds pretty darn fishy to me. Why is he so secretive? I mean, if there's nothing to hide, why is he hiding stuff? I would certainly be suspicious of his actions... and going to stay with an ex?? COME ON! I think you might want to do a little bit of "digging deeper" you know.. I mean, maybe he's just really private and needs his space.. but you know the expression "actions speak louder than words"? I am not so sure I would take his actions so lightly. I'm sorry, this is of course just my opinion. If it was my guy, I'd be very disappointed and hurt if he acted this way.
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