A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Has anyone dated a man that has kids that are out of control????? He has full custody and the kids don't listen, fight constantly. What scares me is they are only 3 and 4. He minimizes their behavior!!! We have been dating only 4 months and at the time we met he didnt have custody of the kids, the mom passed away and now he does. They were like this before she passed. I understand being a single parent for him is hard but im 36, he is 26, my kids r teenagers. They even want to sleep with him every night and im not used to this. My friend tells me to leave him but i love him and am very close to him, any suggestions??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 These poor little mites have just lost their mummy!!! What do you expect?
Have you ever thought how they are feeling, now that their mother is no longer around? They have lost someone who is very dear to them, show some compassion.
Children that age do not really fully understand the concept of death and loss. Have you or your partner ever discussed with them about the sudden absence of their mother and how they feel? Death is a very delicate subject, especially for children that age.
You have been extremely lucky to have raised your throughout their childhood, sadly their mum never got the chance of seeing them grow up. So be patient and sit down and have a calm talk with them, kids even at that age have feelings too and they are probably feel very sad and vulnerable at the moment, because their mummy is not there for them. The reason why they sleep with their daddy is because they are FRIGHTEND of losing him too and they love him very dearly, surely you of all people can understand that?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): What a huge loss these little ones have suffered. The loss of their Mother must have been devastating to their small world. Generally speaking, at the young ages these kids are...fighting and arguing is pretty much a normal thing. But if you think they are out of control, then you and he might share very different family values. Plainly, their Mother probably had a different view of raising her children than what some of us would. So if the Mother was the main parent before and now she's gone, your bf, sounds a tad inexperienced with handling this situation. And the children need a ton of love, patience tempered with discipline (like timeouts,etc) and understanding, when they act up.
If you have raised children of your own, can you not suggest to him, a variety of solutions that had worked well for you, when your children were small. Another suggestion is, support him by suggesting he attend some good parenting classes, in your area.
Good luck, dear. It's not easy but the best chance these children have at growing up healthy and happier, if their Dad was to seek some help with learning a few good new parenting skills. It never hurts, does it. Take care.
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