A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal to do things subconsciously without realizing what you are doing after the fact? I've caught my fiancee three times where he would let go of my hand when a hot/cute/good looking female passes us by. It's irritating and just I believe disrespectful of him to do that. He says it's subconscious. He says he doesn't know he's doing it until after the fact. I told him otherwise considering we could be talking and having dinner together and a girl would pass us by wearing barely nothing and he would let go of my hand. Granted, this same lady was sitting 3 tables away from us in his eye view, so when she got up and walk in front of our table to get something which she could easily do from the other side of her table and way closer to where she was seated, he would let go of my hand and stare at her. His demeanor would be different and they would share a smile or he would stare off into "space" which I would think is staring at her. Now, granted, I don't want to be that jealous fiancee. When I bring it up, he gets real upset and claims it's subconscious. He says he could be thinking of something else or thinking about what we were talking about....I don't think so. Of course, over the course of the year that we've been engaged, he's only done this 3 times. Because of this, my feelings of wanting to marry him has gone tremendously down. I don't know if I want to marry someone that would do something like that. How would he like it if I did that, right? I'd appreciate any help I can get.
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (31 January 2011):
 I'm happy you spoke with your fiance about his actions. Communication is key in any relationship. Did you ask him why he acted like he did at the restaurant? Or did he do it in retaliation because he thought you were flirting with men one night? I'm confused as to which happened first. Regardless, you're correct that two wrongs don't make a right. Initially, he blamed his actions on subconscious behavior. That still concerns me. And don't forget, this wasn't the first time he has done this.
I'd look into getting couples counseling before you get married because you need to be 100% certain he will never do this again. Have you two discussed couples counseling?
Please keep us updated. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi ladies,Thank you for your response and advice. My fiancee and I talked over the weekend and he realized that his actions hurt me and that I had done something similar this pass Friday when we were out. We talked about that and he said it doesn't feel good considering he thought I was trying to pick up guys. I've always believed that two wrongs never make a right. We realized we don't want to throw away our relationship because it's important to us and it sucks feeling this way. He wants to work on our communication skills and believes this is what will get us back on track.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (28 January 2011):
You are wise to question your future with this man. It's one thing for a man to quickly glance at an attractive woman that passes by, but it's an entirely different case when the man continues to look in her direction, let's go of your hand, and exchanges smiles with her.
This is not subconscious behavior... this is an indication of his true character. And that is what makes this even more concerning. If he does this in your prescence... I can only imagine how he acts when you aren't around! For me, this is a definite deal breaker. I don't care if your fiance does this 3 times a year... that's three times too many.
What happens when you've been married for 10 years, and the spark between you two has dwindled... Can you say for certain that you would trust him enough to resist the advances of another woman? Seriously, do you fully trust him now? This is your future... don't settle for anything less than you deserve.
A wise woman once said, if a man doesn't treat you well while you are dating, he will NOT treat you any better once you are married. That is pretty much guaranteed!
What do you plan on doing? Are you considering breaking up with him? Please give us an update. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, JaZminny +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Try stepping up your look maybe ur hair clothes make up or maybe all of it together dress sexy where u can not only attract your bfs attention but other men when he sees how attractive and appealing to him and others u can be wenever another girl comes around he will have mixed emotions he will b jealous of other men lookin at u and wene he is trying to stare at these other girls he will get distracted by being jealous of u so possibly instead of lookin at them he is goin to try to hold ur hand so that these guys know ur taken plus I don't think u have anything to worry about if he wants to marry u its for a reason ur personality your behavior there is so many beautiful women out ther but they my not have qualities u do
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): Hi
Try it !!!and make the same excuse....sorry but i think doing this is relly not fair to you...he obviously knows if he is holding your hand it gives the impression he is commited to you......and if it was his unconscious thats even worse in my opinion because he must really want to appear open for offers. Sorry if my opinion hurts you...it is only my opinion but i think he sounds iffy.
I don't think looking is a problem or smiling its the letting go of your hand...it speaks volumes about how he would be without you if he took a shine....
He insults you with the I don't know what i am doing bit...
would he let go of his wallet because of his sub conscious...i think not....what a crock of xxxx
spunky monkey.
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