A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Husband's best buddy has been sweet and a teensy bit teasing and flirty with me for over a year - like a very mild crush. Recently we got to be better friends and I let him know that he was someone I enjoyed being friends with. Now sometimes he's suddenly acting like he's slightly annoyed - as if I have a crush on HIM! Like he doesn't want any of my attention! HOWEVER he still glances at me often - possibly to judge my reactions to group conversations? To see what I'm thinking? To see if I'm looking at him? He goes out of his way to say hello and talk to me, especially if I'm distracted, feeling shy, ignoring the guys and talking to the girls, etc. But if I say hello first he shyes away quick. (This is what I mean by acting like he believes I have a crush on him.) Then he'll switch again - often in the same evening - and have something super kind to say to me or will share his feelings, showing me that he trusts me with personal info. Or, like last night, after having an hour-long conversation at dinner I sat down next to him for the two minutes while we waited for our spouses and he got uncomfortable. After having been around me for an hour?!! It's leaving me quite confused. Can you tell me what this push/pull behavior means? His mild flirting before was tasteful and I don't want him to feel like he can't ever pay me a complement. But I don't like how he makes me feel when I smile and greet him first! Please help explain? How should I respond to encourage him to be himself and be playful again?!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): lady, you need to leave well alone. your wanting to help him seem innocent enough but come on who are you trying to fool. respect the boundaries he has created. you may not understand it but accept it. instead of focusing so much on another man, why don't you focus on your marriage. i think something is lacking therefore you are looking for some sort of attention elsewhere. you will not be the first happily married woman who wants a little something. but that little something if not contained will destroy you if it coninues.
so you are forewarned. continue in this manner and you will live to regret it. nothing is as innocent as you explain. perhaps you need to respect him and his wife and their marriage even though you do not respect yours. something to think about?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): Funny thing is we're both really good people and are being very careful about what we say, do, etc, because we both seem to sense that we COULD 'like' each other if we got bored and decided to but you don't throw good marriages away for some superficial feelings. We have very similar personalities so we get along easily but I know without even mentioning it he would 200% agree with me. True love with our spouses doesn't compare to the teensy pinpricks of mild we-get-along-well attraction. Honestly, we are respectful of our marriages and each other's marriage. I can think of a couple of times we've stopped to chat at different group events and then broken off the conversation after a minute or two because it just seemed like the right thing to do. Like a mental timer went off for each of us and we agreed without having to speak a word about it that we'd chatted long enough to maintain a friendship but that talking much longer was selfish or could appear to be something it wasn't.
Still, his push/pull behavior is strange. Perhaps he is struggling with fighting his feelings more?
If I say hello to him first - which aways seems to guarantee an unusually quiet, shy or aloof response from him - is he taking my greeting him first to mean I'm showing slight interest? Is he re-establishing his own mental boundaries so he can keep his feelings (and thus his behavior) in check? If so, how do I help him with this noble desire?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Maybe he set himself some boundaries seeing that you both are married and sometimes YOU are stepping over the line.
maybe he knows that you two are getting too close and he pulls away.
perhaps you need to question your intentions with him. are you expecting more than friendship. or even something more than friendship in the guise of friendship ?
why are you questioning his behaviour. look at yours. iss it inappropriate in any way. what are your expectation.maybe you should back of and respect the boundaries he has created.
perhaps in the past you couldn't identify that little something, now that i have highlighted them to you, how are you going to change your behaviour towards him. after all you two are married, kids involved right?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 October 2009):
He fancies you and is hoping you'll fancy him, hence he gets very shy when you speak to him. So be careful.
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