A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:HelloHaving a bit of a problem which I don't know how to deal with. My partner and I are friends with a couple who live just up the road from us. Initially we were friends with the wife but through spending time with her have met the husband and now are good friends with them as a couple. Its great. We go out for drinks with them once a fortnight, have dinner together at one of our houses usually about once a month etc. But recently I've been finding her husband in tolerable. My girlfriend tolerates him slightly better than I do but more and more I'm finding he just winds me up.Its so difficult to put my finger on what it is that he does that annoys me. When we meet up for a drink, whenever his wife is talking and he gets seemingly bored of whatever she is saying, he just starts talking over her. He does it when I'm talking and my girlfriend. Then whenever anyone has good news, he says something to bring it down. Like some sort of sarcastic comment about it. Whenever anyone is talking about something not to do with him, he makes bitter comments about his situation to get attention back on him. No matter what's going on he'll make a bitter comment. He judges people constantly. For example he considers himself "alternative" and last week had an all out argument with me (it was very awkward) because I mentioned a band I like which he says aren't alternative so therefore no good. It was like he couldn't tolerate my opinion.This may all sound really petty but you have to understand that this is EVERY time I see him which is whenever we meet up with his wife as we are friends with them as a couple.Last week we were at their house for a cup of tea and to watch tv and somehow the conversation got onto how my partner and I are a gay couple. Anyway, we are chatting away about times we've had people be homophobic to us and suddenly he just comes out with "that's nothing, you should try being alternative. I face prejudice everday.". And he was being deadly serious. He was actually comparing his decision to shave his hair into one singular dreadlock to being born gay and having your equality denied to you. It was insane. And again, obviously, all about him. I just sat quietly for the rest of the night but my partner knew I was pissed off. He later made a derogatory comment about the paralympics He went on a whole rant about the olympics about how he just wanted to do horrible things seeing people being so cheerful and how he was sick of the olympics taking his tax money. And yup, you guessed it, it was back onto him. I just sat there thinking "you are a really horrible man.". His nasty comments really hacked me off.Its getting to the point where I don't want to be around him. I cant stand speaking to him. But I adore his wife and she is a mutual best mate to both my partner and myself. What do we do? Both my partner I want to remain friends with her but just need to find a tactful way of spending less time with him. He will always be apart of our lives in someway because of the friendship there but we just wish sometimes we could have drinks with the wife on her ow, you know, girly time and not have him there, breathing down our necks, making his snidey comments.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 August 2012):
 Be friends with her and let him stew in his own little boring world lol.
Ask her out for girls nights, I can't imagine she wouldn't want to get out from under his thumb every now and then.
He sounds like a total asshat.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (14 August 2012):
 You can simply be friends with her and not with him. It's obvious that your personality clashes with his, and that's okay. He doesn't *have* to be part of the action, nor do you need to feel obligated to include him.
I would NOT bring it up with her that you don't like him, because telling a friend that you don't like their husband usually doesn't produce good results and can tax a friendship.
Just say that you want girl's night out. If he's this cranky, it's possible that he's hoping not to spend time with you and your partner either.
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