A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf's always been a really handsome guy, but lately he's gained some weight, and i think it's having a real impact on his self-esteem. It used to drive me crazy when other girls would hit on him or flirt with him, and i really hated it that he seemed to enjoy it so much. He'd never cheat on me, so it's not like i had to worry about that. he just loved the attention, and i found it maddening. But i guess it hasn't been happening as much, and he's taken it hard - like an indictment of his attractiveness.Why can't it be enough that *I* find him attractive and think the world of him? Why does he need these other opinions to feel good about himself? It's not just a numebrs game, b/c if a girl does hit on him but isn't pretty enough, it doesn't help his self-esteem. Meanwhile (and i say this not to be vain, but b/c i don't know whether it's relevant), most people would say i'm one of the most attractive girls at our school. I get plenty of attention - it's not like I'd have to settle for someone who I didn't think was worthy b/c I thought it was the best I could do. Why doesn't the fact that *I* think he's handsome, and the fact that *I* find him very desirable, sexually, and the fact that *I* think he's simply wonderful ... why is that not enough for his ego?Writing this on the internet, it sounds almost like i'm complaining, but i'm not. I'm worried about him, b/c I don't like seeing him feeling badly about himself - it's so senseless, b/c he's so great. But I feel powerless to help him, and I hate that, and I don't understand it.Can anyone tell me why he's feeling this way and what I can do to be supportive and help him develop a better self-esteem, without making him feel like he's in therapy or something (where he'd just feel more defective and inadequate)?
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male
reader, Dos_Vinci  +, writes (22 March 2007):
 He just has a big head. He needs to get over it. That's really the only thing I can say. You shouldn't of allowed his hunger for the attention of other girls to last this long. You should of squashed that years ago. Stop thinking about him all the time this is a relationship. You and him... NO ONE ELSE!
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