A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I were together for 2 1/2 years in a long distance relationship. I am very confused and I think he is too as there was no official split. We last saw each other in late September. I had made several arrangements for us to meet up but he kept coming up with reasons as to why he couldn't meet up with me so I figured that either he didn't want to see me anymore or had someone else. I couldn't get him to explain what was wrong so I backed off in the hope that he would contact me. He wished me a happy birthday as if we were still together, but there was no card, present, and he didn't ask to see me. A week or so later, he contact me but was quite tetchy because of some family problems he was having at home. The following day he messaged me to ask when would be a good time to call. I told him that evening, but heard nothing from him for a month (I thought it was best I backed off). Then earlier this month, he started messaging me again except here was none of the pet names or kisses at the end of the messages like he used to do. Thing is, I'm really unsure why he is contacting me again as he gave me the impression he wasn't interested in me anymore. He's been sending me quite a lot of messages lately to ask how I am, what I've been up to, whether I'm ready for Xmas. He then sent me a message saying 'what are we doing about us' which really surprised me as I didn't think there was an 'us' anymore. I told him that I didn't think he wanted to see me anymore as I hadn't seen him since late September. I thought that as he was messaging me that it meant possibly that he wanted to start afresh and was just treading carefully but I was shocked to get a reply saying he didn't 'think things were working out really' and what did i think. I haven't replied to it yet and he has sent me this message three times last night. Any ideas why he is contacting me again? I thought maybe that he was treading carefully and wanted to get back together as he asked what we were doing about us but then this last message said he didn't think things were working out really. We both seem uncertain and unsure of what to do next, but we both want to move on from that limbo stage and sort things out one way or another. I thought I might ask him why he thought things weren't working out as this is the first time that he said anything like that. What do you think?
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female
reader, PeanutButter  +, writes (18 December 2009):
 I think that perhaps he and you are both meant to just be friends but he probably doesn't want the one to say it and make it official. He is probably treading carefully because he wants you to suggest that you both be friends so that he doesn't have to say it and hurt you.
I think that after this long you should cut your loses. Tell him that you would like to be friends and see if you can maintain a friendship with him. Perhaps then leave it at that.
This way you can both move on without having one another hanging over your shoulders and if it is meant to be later, you'll come back to it. If it isn't meant to be, then at least you'll have a friendship salvaged out of it in an amicable split :)
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