A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm going to try to keep this as brief as possible in explanation, to make it easier to understand the history behind this question. So, I had a friend who was my very best friend in school up until a couple months ago, when we both went through some issues with family and school that made us grow apart from relying to much on one another... Right afterwards, I went through some really serious issues with my family that made me I guess too clingy and my friend cut me off. Since then, things have gotten better between us, but it still isn't anything like what it used to be. He was recently expelled, but he's still around and I see him with my friends from time to time. About a month ago, he went through some issues at home with his dad and needed help, so I started an endless series of attempts to help him where I could: practically giving him my bike, lending him a significant amount of money with no request to be paid back and helping him constantly with homework, etc. But he continued to treat me somewhat distantly, despite all I was doing to help. Things got slightly better and he started talking to me normally and being really nice to me for a while...even flirting at times. But it still really irritated me when, after all I'd done for him, he decided to randomly buy gifts for two other girls in my class who had done nothing to help him because they couldn't/wouldn't. I explained in an email during the break that his actions were bothering me and, while I didn't ever get an actual reply, he did seem to be making an effort when I did see him again to be nicer and more considerate. But whenever I try to text him (I've only tried twice with little questions about homework and whether he was joining me and my friends to hang out), I never got a reply. I don't want to suddenly jump up and tell him to give me all my stuff and money back and never ask me to help him again, since he may come back to school next year and it would be terrible if there was any added tension between us, but I do find it irritating that he can't be bothered responding to me when I need a tiny bit of help... Does anyone have any advice as to what I could say to him to improve this situation? Because his silent treatment is irritating, but I don't want to overreact and worsen the situation
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (3 May 2011):
 When you give things, you must give them with no expectations.
You expected him to behave in a certain way because of your help. This is not good. It's like you were manipulating him.
He's caught on since and doesn't want to be your monkey grinder.
Just remember unconditional aid is the best policy for making long lasting friendships. Anything else looks like manipulation and people know it.
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