A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help, i'm not sure if i'm acting the right way. well my bf is 'obsessed' with porn videos or that's what i think. Because he has a whole lot of porn clips on his phone. about 2 months ago I told him to delete these things on his phone and he refused and said "there's nothing wrong with porn clips on my phone I'm a man." well i decided to give my cell number to other guys who wants it, coz i know that this will make him furious. so i told him seeing that he don't want to delete the things I'll be giving my number to other guys. well that made him delete the clips,coz obviously he don't want other quys to call me. This morning after 2 months I saw the clips again on his phone. He started laughing and said it's his cousin clips. Clearly to me it was a lie for an excuse. The only thing I said was: ok go on like this you know what I'm going to do now. I felt upset because it seems like he don't take me serious, and I don't like it. so what would you suggests should I give my number to other guys when they're asking or am I just over reacting. and do my bf really needs porn clips but why??????????we've been dating for a year now
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female
reader, thinky  +, writes (17 September 2008):
I'd ignore the "advice" that says clips of other girls on his phone aren't anybody. They're hurting you, and your feelings. You would be best to try and have an honest discussion about this, and part if compromise is not possible. But don't engage in "tit for tat" by giving your number out to other men, you'll make things worse.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2008): you should wake up to your self. him having clips on his fone aint hurting nobody.. unless its like his x girlfriend or something, so y should you be bothered.. but you giving your number out is almost like your telling you bf you want another man.. so unless you really dont care for your partner, or your relationship id be thinking real hard about wat it is your so pissed about. and work from there. other wise he mite be finding a new girl who dont care about the content of his fone.
thats wat i think anyway.. but who am i to say anything..lol.
good luck anyway. remember its only a phone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Look at it this way: It's better than him having pictures or movies of other girls on his phone of whom he has a chance of getting into a relationship with. It's just a porn movie, and I wouldn't over worry yourself about it, it's quite normal. Unfortunately, nobodies perfect, if your bf having porn on his phone is below your moral highground, you'll either have to lower them or leave him. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, kellz7 +, writes (12 March 2008):
Alot of men watch porn and there is nothing wrong with it! Most guys i know have porn clips and rude photos on there phone, Its just a laugh to them! My ex had them didnt bother me at all as long as hes been faithfull to you and dont see the problem unless hes got hundreds of clips! you should just let it go!
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A
male
reader, Bronze  +, writes (12 March 2008):
If he truly values your relationship, he wouldn't keep that kind of trash on his phone, especially when he knows you're aware of it. The whole "I'm a man" excuse is weak and immature. Also, I wouldn't give out my number to other guys just to show you mean business. That has the potential to take things to a whole different level.
This is obviously not the kind of behavior you want in a man and there's absolutely no reason you should tolerate it, especially when you've already spoken your mind on it.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 No man 'needs' porn.
If men needed porn, then the human race wouldn't have made it past the 500,000 years of our history before we invented printing, photography and video. The fact that we made it that far without porn suggests that we don't exactly 'need' it. We only 'need' it in the same way that we 'need' a new game for our X-box because we're bored of the last one. To call that a 'need' is to confuse the difference between 'need' and 'want'.
What we have now is a situation where many people see porn as socially acceptable. Especially men. It's become mainstream, mainly because of its instant availability on the internet and its being used to sell products to younger and younger audiences. We're exposed to it more and more, and at younger and younger ages. So many men (and some women) think porn is totally ok. And not just soft porn, but hardcore porn too.
Having said that, you are 100% entitled to have a problem with porn. Porn is arguably abusive to women, and immoral. Plenty of people think that, including plenty of smart people.
If you don't like it then you're also entitled to want a boyfriend that wants nothing to do with porn. You can make that a condition, and, if your boyfriend doesn't agree, then you can reasonably split up with him. Some people would see that as extreme, but others not. There are plenty of relationships that have ended over porn, and plenty more in the future that will too. You are not the only girl who feels this way.
It sounds like your boyfriend is not treating you with respect over this. Be careful with that too... if he really cared about you then he wouldn't be laughing this off, rather he'd by trying to make you happy.
There are men out there who don't think porn is ok. Don't let any guy convince you that all men are into porn. It's not true. If you think that you need a boyfriend who doesn't use porn, you are certainly limiting your options, but not setting an impossible target for yourself.
It's up to you to set your own standards, and decide who you want in your life. Do what feels right.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 If you cannot accept that, you dump him .
If you cannot accept dumping him , then you live with it.
Those guys like to show them around to their buddies.
In some countries ,it is an offense and can land you in trouble.
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