A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:..I would really like some advice on this please. .. My earlier question was closed and some guy posted saying he was my boyfriend. To the mods, my boyfriend does not know of this page at all! This was my question http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-get-my-clingy-overbearing-and.html but some guy hijacked it and it was closed.I really need the advice so I will repost my question. My boyfriend is on the clingy and needy side. He did have depression issues, but meds are out of the question. I want to support him. Living together I want to attempt a chance to make this work. I am not someone who calls all the time, and now that I am visiting family during the school break (for 2 weeks only) he is feeling abandoned. I have called him 4 times now, and we text through the day and share pictures and videos. He still feels abandoned, he has a stressful job, and a full schedule at school. He cries every night I am not there and on the morning leaves me sad texts and vmails of how he feels he dies without me. He feels I do not communicate enough. How many calls a week are appropriate? And what amount of time??Something where we can both compromise since I am not a person who constantly communicate.Are daily calls necessary for you guys?This was my follow up:Thank you allYes he has drained me significantly, and he has a stressful job on top of a full schedule at school. He switched schools to be with me and he constantly brings uo leaving it all for me. I do text him all day, and I also think that no matter what I do his need for me to be there won't be quenched. I have to go back to work next week.I really get what you guys are saying that people like this are dangerous. I try to be supportive, but he says I exaggerate to get support... I know this is biased since it is only my side of course. He is a great guy, and besides this issue he tries hard to make me happy . He won't get help because he doesn't deem it necessary and when he took meds he disliked them.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDVI...If I wanted to break up with him I wouldn't be posting to find out how to help him.
WiseOwl Sorry you feel the need to question it. Yes there are people who refuse help but that Wasn't my question.
Thank you so much to the female anon!!!! Your suggestions for a non pill approach was really good. I showed this to his parents and we all got together. We booked with a cognitive therapist who works without meds as much as possible!! Thank youuuuu, I will report back soon, first appointment is this Monday :D
I've been working with him and we set some boundaries and he is working hard on respecting them, he is also hitting the gym hard to keep busy and healthy
Thanks anonymous female!!
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (9 July 2013):
 It sounds like you guys just need to break up. It's not working. There's nothing that you can do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): I question the authenticity of your post. If it is real, and he is refusing medication. Then nothing changes. Refusal to follow his course of treatment is the problem.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): Relationships are all based on communication and cooperation, love, boundaries and balance ..Night completes day but it is complete opposite.. My advice is before you give in .. It is time to have a serious chat and talk about all you have shared here.. He seems very immature ontop of having issues.. I think you really need to address him neediness and emotional blackmail .. If me here my plan ..1. I would say that one call in the week to verbal catch up and say hello ( if we could afford ) and texting when away is acceptable and no amount of whinging is going to change.. He wants to be with you? Then he took the responsibility of his actions.2. Meds don't agree with him:-A) then cognitive behavioural therapy could helpB). Therapy talking about his fears etc3) I would make it plain that though I would love him, this would be a make or break.4) an appointment with his doctor to discuss how to proceed, and I would want to there with him. You are a couple so this effects both of you.. But he needs to start looking at ways to combat these issues and to not relie to heavily on you. A heathy relationship is all about balance. We give and we take at diffident times sometimes one persons has the burden of carrying or sharing a heavy burden until things balance through that what loving someone is all about .. But he has to stop whinging and nagging .. And crying . As a mental health worker I would say he needs psychotherapy really to address this underlying feeling of neglect and abondament .. You alone can not and should not carry his burden alone.. He needs to step up .. You need to find him help by contacting his doctor and if he needs to go meds for a lil while until he can cope more than that's what he does . If he wants this relationship to work.. Yes you will support him but only with help.. Take care ..
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