A
female
age
41-50,
*ami26
writes:I been with my fiance' for over 2 years.but we have 1 big problem.He loves to receive oral sex,and hand jobs.but he will not give oral sex nor will he pleasure me with his fingers.he claims lots of men dislike it.I try to explain to him that foreplay is very important for a healthy sex life.not only that but when we have sex and he comes,we are done.half the time I don't finish,and its due to the fact he gets great foreplay,and I get nothing.What does this mean?Why does he act this way?
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female
reader, Mami26 +, writes (17 July 2011):
Mami26 is verified as being by the original poster of the question oh sorry couple more things,i have talked to him about this.When hes touching my breast i movie his hand to the pelvic area and he moves it right away,We have toys and anything u could imagine.And your right its extreme to leave someone who isnt pleasuring me sexually but its better to leave then to cheat!
A
female
reader, Mami26 +, writes (17 July 2011):
Mami26 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey ladies!Thanks for the input,unfortunately things have not changed since I asked that question and that was 8months ago.And to who suggested he watched alot of PORN was right on it.He had hundreds of videos and i told him to get rid of them,for the simple fact that was a little too deep into the whole thing for me.We have called off the engagement and I told him we wont be married til he gets some sort of help,because there is something thats hes not telling me.Theres something i think only a shrink can get out of him,i dont know if its something that heppend when he was a little boy or what,but I just simply dont want to marry someone who cant give me their all.I DESERVE someone to love and desire me and only me.After 2 daugheters (2&4)and 3 years together,if he hasnt giving me his all,he never will.Thank you so much!i love this website!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): "What does this mean?" It means he's very selfish and doesn't care whether he pleasures you or not.
"Why does he act this way?" Because you let him and nothing bad happens if he doesn't pleasure you. He still gets his and you'll keep giving him pleasure whether he gives it you or not.
"he claims lots of men dislike it." Not very many don't like using their finger. There are lots that don't like giving oral but most of them give it anyway. Most of the guys that give it anyway do it because they want to pleasure their partner, some of them only do it because they won't get anything unless they give.
I think your fiancé is one of the latter.
It's simple really, he either gives or he doesn't get, no compromise. Lots of people say you shouldn't make anyone do anything they don't like but this is very important to you and if he's not willing to make that sacrifice then you shouldn't either.
It's make or break time because honestly, do you really want to be married to a guy who won't pleasure you and be with him for the rest of your life? He either needs to step up to the plate and do something to ensure he pleasures you or you don't have a future together. This is too important to you. You might aswell become a nun if you're going to marry a guy like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): It implies that he sees sex as pleasure for himself. But I have to ask... why are you giving him blow jobs and hand jobs anyway? I mean, given his equipment he is pretty much guaranteed an orgasm. How much stimulation... when you get down to it... does a guy really need? Think about that.
The fact that he has you performing for him implies a whole host of things concerning his psychological make up. Since you are engaged... this needs to be addressed now... Trust me, 15 years of this ... 30 years of it... will get old very fast. A man who is that withdrawn and into himself ONLY sexually ... would have me guessing that he probably has watched a great deal of porn.
Porno women squeal with orgasmic delight with getting a guy off. Guys don't know anything about real women sometimes... so they buy into that hype because it makes them feel like studs.
If you are having a hard time with this now, it will become intolerable over an even longer term. So do whatever you need to do now... if this cannot be fixed I would suggest that you move on. I realize that this sounds extreme, however try to imagine spending your life feeling this way... used, sexually rejected, and disconnected.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): I'll be polite and respectfully state he is selfish with his needs. Foreplay is def healthy as it provides those small sensations that can build up and it allows for thorough enjoyment of ur partners body and not just jumpin at it. If he's not comfortable with putting his fingers in you (I myself LOVE to do this and oral btw for a lady) then you guys need to compromise. Perhaps a toy he could use on you? What about kisses down there? on ur legs? stomach? would he do that? Best to you miss.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (28 December 2010):
 hi
what a selfish bugger! i suggest you stop giving him hand and blow jobs and then he will see first hand (pardon the pun!) what you have been trying to tell him. he should want to please you just the same as you obviously like doing all you can to make sure he has a good time. if the relationship is good apart from this problem, then make it clear to him that the way he is behaving is really jeopordising things between you. if he cares he'll do something to remedy this situation. the excuse that most men dont like it is bull. ive never met a man who doesnt like doing these things anyway. do you think maybe he has not got much confidence in his ability? he doesnt have the experience and hence is scared to feel like an idiot if he does it wrong? look honestly at the other aspects of your relationship; is he selfish in other ways too? gotta say this though: please if you are gonna expect him to do these things to you, especially oral, make sure you are nice and clean down there. has he ever done oral for anyone? maybe an unhygenic experience in the past has put him off? if after you discuss things further with him he is still determined that he doesnt want to do it, and it is something that you feel you really need then maybe you would both be better off with people you are more sexually compatible with. getting sex toys involved might be a good idea, would make things easier for him if he doesnt want to do oral or hand to you
xx
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A
female
reader, Janety +, writes (28 December 2010):
 well do you ask him to do it for you? you know what makes you feel good, right? try to direct him that way, and do what you like.. if he asks you to give him oral, tell him to try 69.. that way you can both enjoy at the same time.. maybe he will go with that.. he probably thinks you enjoy making love with him, and you don't tell him how you really feel..
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