A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriends mother invited me round for dinner while my boyfriend was away, and got talking about various tings, after a few drinks she asked if we were using 'extra protection' as my boyfriend has a son from a previous relationship that wasnt planned and has had massive battles with his ex over contact etc. I have supported my boyfriend through this, encouraged him to have contact with his son when he wasnt, and have felt like ive spent the last 2 years proving myself to be nothing like his ex to him and his family. I have paid for everything (as his family always state she robbed him of his money) and I have done everything i can to prove myself despite the fact i am nothing like his ex anyway. I was starting to get to the point where i was thinking about talking to my boyfriend about marraige, but this has made me take a huge step back and wonder about our future together full stop. His mother made this huge effort to tell me she thought he would never get married and never want any more children out of choice, and it wasn't just the drink talking as she has mentioned it again since. I have told my boyfriend some of what she said, without trying to cause upset between her and his mum. But its put a huge hole in my confidence in us.What should i do to repair it?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 August 2009):
She was probably only trying to do the right thing and it backfired.
In her mind, her little boy has been hurt by this evil woman, so she is warning you to not get your hopes up because he's so hurt by it.
But the thing is she has no idea what's really going on in his head.
So talk to your boyfriend. You don't have to say "YOUR MOTHER SAID THIS TO UPSET ME!!!!"
Simply ask him if he could ever see himself getting married and having a family. It's a hypothetical question that all girls ask their men after a while together. It's a hint that they should start thinking about whether to make you a permanent fixture.
If he says "no because all women are evil and use pregnancy to trap you and steal your money and I hate them..." then you know she was right and you MIGHT want to think about gently running away.
If he makes all the right noises then you know his mum is just trying to protect her little boy from these evil temptresses / protect you from getting your hopes up that he's going to take you pram shopping any time soon.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, gemmaxx09 +, writes (4 August 2009):
 I think your trying wayy too hard to prove that you are different from your bf's ex. I commend you for encouraging him to see his son, you seem like a real nice person and to be honest he should be thanking his lucky stars that he found you. Your bf should love you for who you are and you shouldnt need to prove yourself at all. Also, it is nothing to do with his mum what protection you use or if you both should decide to marry or have anymore children. That should be a decision that you and your bf make together not something that his mum should get involved with. You say you have done all these things to prove that your worthy, what things has he done to prove that he is worthy? For one he should be telling his mum to stay out of it and that he loves you and whatever you two decide to do will be between you two alone and nothing to do with her. It doesnt mean he has to fall out with his mum but just that you two are together and your lives and decisions are together, because thats what a partnership is. I think you and your bf need to have a talk and you need to see where he is and what your future entails together
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A
female
reader, Advice Gem +, writes (4 August 2009):
I would not listen to her, mothers normally try to protect their sons. You are talking to the wrong person. You need to talk to your boyfriend about the future just casually. Say do you think we will get married one day and would you consider having a child with me in years to come.You have done everything you can to prove you are different and just because he has had one crazy ex not all women are like this he and his mother should know this.You should know in your heart what your boyfriends feelings are, he would be alot more open with u than his mother about private issues.Good luck hope it all works out. Just be honest with him you dont want to waste ur life if he does not want children and you do, you need to be on the same path in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2009): This isn't so much about your bf's Mother or what she said to you. This really sounds like it's all about you and your insecure feelings about trying too hard to gain other people's approval. Listen...you don't have to do that. No one does.
I think what you should do, is focus in a happier way about how you think about yourself and just quietly continue to uphold the positive aspects of your relationship with your bf and not...give a hoot as to what his Mother said. Look, this guy of yours had a bad experience. Now if this Mother of his really thought clearly about it all...bad things happen to good people. And because of that, she should have the maturity and wisdom to know...not all people are like his ex. Right? So this little talk she had with you...is 'her' issue with the bad ex gf of your bf. She was projecting that negativity and dumping her needless worried, right in your lap! Let it go. Smile, be confident, be happy...that's important. You need to forget what she said, and pay close attention to what it is that you want and what you need. By doing this, you gain the respect and honor, from those who are most important, like your bf and others that you care about. "Life is just so much easier if you just concentrate on what you need to do. Other people can take care of their own lives." So on that note, Lern to be tougher here and realize you don;t need anyone's approval to get by in this world. Pay no heed to to what his Mother said. What's most important is retaining the joy and love you and your bf share. Focus on that, hun.
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