| A
female
,
*ergie
writes: hi.my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost 9 months now. i love him to bits, you cannot imagine how much i love him! he's that person everyone loves. but, the major problem is that, his mum hates me. like seriously HATES me. it was 4 months ago that i was over at his house when his house was empty and we did some work at his house. we're both in uni. he didnt tell his mom that he brought a friend over so when his mom came home unexpectedly, i was freaked out, my reflex action was to hide under the computer table in his room! and unfortunately his mum decided to sit on his bed which is directly facing the computer table immediately after she came home. so yeah, i was caught and was scolded me as though hell was unleashed. she screamed her lungs out at both me and my bf. she chased me out of the house and told me not to step in the house ever again and told my bf not to see me ever again if he loves her.it was terribly scary, i swear. it still sends chill down my spine thinking about it. my bf comes from a very conservative family. thus, the extreme reaction.i was traumatized since that day. i cried for 3 days straight.but because we're madly in love with each other, we still continue to see each other without his mom knowing of course. theres something about our relationship that keeps us together. my bf just started university. which means he will graduate in 4 years and after that he plans to work for 3 years before settling down. im 20 now. if i were to wait for him, i'll be 27 by then. i often ask him what happens if i wait for him and 7 years later, his mum still disapprove of me? and worse still, what happens if he finds someone else? he couldnt answer.my parents are fine with him, in fact, they adore him. and i truly love him. i dont want to lose him, but it hurts so much whenever i think about the fact that his mother hates me. and i know she still does. my bf would sometimes tell me that his mom would remind him not to disobey her.im feeling utterly terrible. i hope someone can help me. one thing for sure is that im not giving up in this relationship, but i need that strength and faith to hold on. what should i do?
View related questions:
university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2008): Dear I feel sorry for you.
She seems like an Indian mom or mom-in-law.My mom-in-law was never able to love me.But before my husband she never says anything mean to me.The reason being that my husband has given her and his family strict instructions not to hurt me.
I have been given the same instructions as well i.e., not to hurt his family.It makes for a comfortable situation all around.He is not caught in the middle between me and his family.From a guy's point of view its sheer hell.They cannot stand confrontations.If your boyfriend cannot stand up to her for the person he loves right now,he is never going to stand up for you any time in life.
Ask him to have a talk with his mom.If he is not willing to do so,am sorry to say you are going to have problems through out your life.If in case you end up married to the guy that is.He may be Prince Charming but being in love means standing up for the one you love.
A
female
reader, helpjayne  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 get your boyfriend to stand up for you, you didn't do anything wrong your both young your meant to be dating, his mum sounds really mean, you didn't deserve what you got unless you did something truly terrible your not mentioning? whynot just tell your boyfriend that he has to come clean to his mum i mean he's off to uni now she should really stop being so overprotective, you won't get much chance to see him when he's there i take it so get your boyfriend to tell his mum to backoff and make the most of the time you and him have.
maybe he didn't answer you because he's not sure were this is going i mean if he doesn't tell his mum to back off after a while he's not worth waiting for.
i hope i helpd
x
...............................
A
female
reader, Desired23  +, writes (14 November 2008):
 Sounds like a very overprotective mom, but it sounds like her reasons for yelling at you were not valid. The fact that you felt scared enough that you had to hide probably made his mom feel like you were really hiding something.
It does sound like he needs to sit down and have a talk with his mom, if she will not listen to him, that seems very irrational on her part. You two weren't doing anything wrong and she needs to realize that her little boy will soon be settling down with a girl.
You and his mom did not start out on the right foot, but mention to him to talk to his mom and see if he can set things right, if that helps perhaps you guys can get together for lunch or something and allow his mom to get to know you, and realize you aren't some monster set on taking her son away. What she did to you was wrong, and she needs to relax her grip on her son a bit; moreover, she should be happy that he has a girlfriend so devoted to him, even after all that!
Let me know how things go, and if you need any more help, just ask. :-)
~Des
...............................
|
