A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been i a relationship for 1 year, but i have known my boyfriend for about 10 years. I've met almost everyone in his family and the one person who means the most to him, his mom, doesn't like me. I have never disrespected his mom or even said much of anything to her. His mom wants him to be with the mother of his kids, who left him. Normally I wouldn't give a you know what about what his mom thinks, God knows other mothers haven't liked me in the past. It's different because I love this guy and i want to have a future with him but i refuse to kiss his mom's ass for her to like me. I am angry because my family has been accepting and welcoming to him but I can't say the same. He visits his mom and family often and I feel uncomfortable around them. I am i over reacting? Reply to this Question
ShareOther similar questions:
My boyfriend's mom doesn't like me. She makes me feel so unwelcome. What can I do? |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): Your bf's ex-wife is still considered a close family member, in the eyes of his Mother. Her allegiance rests with the ex wife because you said, she has wished that her son and this ex could get back together and be a family once again. Your feelings about the way she treats you are certainly real and valid. But you can't change anything except to ask your bf to perhaps talk to his Mother. His Mother's 'alienation' of you could eventually get in the way of you and your bf, having normal family relationships with her and possibly the rest of them family....if you allow it. I suggest you immediately emotionally detach from this woman but bstill e gracious in her home to all the family and get along as best you can. You don't have to like her-she doesn't have to like you. But his mother needs to accept you and understand that in society today, we loae family members because of divorce. It's just a given. But we also welcome new members into our lives with open arms and a warm heart. For reasons of her own, this Mother feels she is betraying the ex daughter in law by becoming friends with you. When in fact, she isn't. Her problem..not yours.
Just beat her at this game by retaining your positivity, your inner strength and classiness to keep behaving gracefully at family gatherings, that you and your bf both attend. Do I feel this is a good situation for you? No, it pretty crappy and I am sorry. No one deserves to be treated this way. But when love her son and become involved with him who has been previously married, you become involved with the whole family, his children and sometimes even the ex, is hovering in the background. Take this one day at a time and just keep trying your best. I wish you the best...be strong.
A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (24 July 2007):
 I have been in your situation -- the mom not liking me for NO reason. And there's no easy answer.
One thing you can do is talk with your boyfriend. Ask him to sit down with his mom and see if he can work it out without you. See if he can calm her down without you getting involved. See, it's not really about you. It's more between him and his mom.
If that fails, see if you can invite her out for coffee or something. Some how to get the lines of communication open away from your boyfriend.
Good luck with that.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 July 2007):
 I'd say give it more time. Once she realizes you are there to stay and that he won't be going back to his Ex she may come around. Be friendly but you definitely don't have to suck up to her. You will feel more comfortable as time goes by. One important thing to remember, if she never does end up liking you, always act like a class act, then she's the one who looks ridiculous not you.
...............................
|
