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female
,
anonymous
writes: Me and my bf have been goin out for 9 months, but he is quite funny when it comes to his mobile phone, he never keeps it out, its always in his pocket and lately keeps it on vibrate.About 3 months ago, i found texts on his phone from another girl saying "we should meet up, im off uni for a couple weeks.. xxx" i cant remember the rest, but it hurt me because he had only had that mobile number for a couple weeks because i gave him a new sim card, he told me she had rang his other number and he just txted her of his new number just to reply. The fact is that he lied to me.He then changed his number again, and a month or so later, he left his phone in my car whilst he went to the toilet and i found another message in his phone sayin " you left a voicemail on my phone", i confronted him and he told me its the same girl and i said ring her, he rang her and she was giving attitude down the phone and she wanted 2 speak 2 me but my bf wouldnt let her and he told her he would phone her later and explain.Everythings been fine since then but i hardly check his phone, and when i do i can tell things have been delted.However earliar today before i left to go home, he had his phone out and he had some missed calls, i asked him to show me his phone and recieved calls, but he went angry and started shoutin saying i dont trust him, i told him if you havent got anything to hide, show me and resolve the situation, but he never and just left!im worried he is cheating, what can i do??????? plz help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (17 August 2006):
 It doesn't look good.
You should ask him some questions, and he needs to answer them honestly and directly. Don't let him wiggle out of answering (he might try):
- who is she?
- how do they know each other?
- what is their connection? Especially emotional / sexual / attraction.
He needs to answer you clearly and openly. No holding back, and no bullshit.
Trust your intuition. A womans intuition is a very powerful thing! If you feel he's not giving you the truth when he answers you, then you'll know that there is something going on. Something bad. If you feel from his answers that everything really is ok and that there is nothing going on between them then trust that feeling.
Just look him in the eye when he answers you and you'll know. Trust your first intstinct.
If you feel that there's something wrong, then you either leave him straight away, or give him an ultimatum: "no contact with that girl or I leave".
Hold your head up high and demand that your boyfriend treats you the way you deserve to be treated: with respect, honesty and care. If he can't give you that he's not worth it.
A
male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (17 August 2006):
 You're worried for good reason. I approved your question and as I was reading it for approval I said to myself he is definitely up to something. I'm not saying that he is cheating fully but he is setting the environment for speculation. I did all the things that you described and yes I was cheating. The difference in my situation and yours is my girlfriend never checked my phone until after it was too late. Keep doing what you're doing and something will come out of it positive for you, not so much for him. Good Luck.
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