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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Ugh, I broke up with my BF again!We have issues because he dislikes my past with a passion, he can't quite understand why would I have had one night stands in the pasts and not feel like a whore afterwards. I lied about an incident too, but it's been a long time since I lied, I'm not saying it was ok to lie, but enough is enough! He's had more than a year to trust me again and I haven't lied!However, I love him... but I hate the fact that I don't know what the hell he wants from me! When he didn't get upset, he did things to show me so much appreciation, like buying me flowers, telling me how he wanted to marry me and even went looking for houses. However, the minute he gets upset, all that becomes a lie... in those moments, he loved to point out how he really didn't feel like marying me that he actually thought we were wasting our time, that I was just one of those girls you don't take seriously, that he couldn't believe I had been such a fool to just go after guys I didn't have feelings for! ... but he never broke up! So I got fed up and I broke up with him. He didn't even try to stop me from leaving...I hate the fact that I know he's the one with the problem, but he always turns the situation around to make it seem that it's my fault... he just won't admit his weakness! And I'm the one who has to suffer, not him! I'm a good girl, why do I suffer?Not the first time we break up, he has acted this way before and we've got back together, but this time, I don't know... I love him with all my heart, but I don't know how he truly feels and his immaturity hurts me! Being with him is a pain, and being without him is much more painful... advice, I don't know what to do, as I feel awful?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): baby girl ,,you are gonna hafta change your story a little bit !im not telling you to lie to him ,,but make it so he feels a little better about things,,his problem isnt really that you didnt have feelings for those guys ,his problem is that you did it at all!he cant stand the thought of you doing that and the fact that it was so none chalaunt to you scares him probably for 2 reasons,
a)he thinks you dont value sex so he feels as though your intimacy with him doesnt mean as much to you as it does him
b)he thinks you could do again with out guuilt because you act as though intercourse is no big deal its just something people do
im sure he doesnt really wish you had feelings for those guys,,he just wish's you had more respect for intercourse and intimacy! so tell him the truth is,,,you did feel bad you did it because you didnt have feelings for those guys and it made you feel low because you have had a chance to experience making love for the first time when you were with him and you wish you wouldnt have wasted your self with those other guys,,tell him you never understood the beauty of it all until now and you have learned a new respect for it through him and you need him to forgive you and help you forgive yourself because now you are dealing with a guilty concious!it wont be a lie because im sure you do regret it now,,if you knew it would of effected your relationship with him you wouldnt have done it right?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): **** I asked the question ****
I didn't cheat I just lied about something that had happened with an ex mutual friends years before meeting my (now) ex...
Plus, I don't really hope we get back together, mostly I'm hurt because I was a good girl and this is what I get... he doesn't suffer and I do, and because I don't know if he really loves me or not...
He's my first love, and he made me believe we were going to be together forever, plus we had so much in common... if only he could've gotten over the past :'(
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): Guys just care about a girls' past more than girls usually care about their guy's past.
Guys don't choose to care. They don't like being tortured with these feelings but it's natural and they can't help it. It can be VERY hard to deal with.
If he's punishing you for things that happened before you got with him, then he needs to either deal with it as best he can and respect you, or else he needs to break up with you over it. Unless you lied about it for a while, that gives him more of a legit reason to have a hard time getting over it.
If he's pissed about you lying to him or cheating on him during the relationship, then he's got a right to be pissed.
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A
female
reader, vsnod  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 First, I would like to let you know that your past is in your past and he has no right to throw it in your face when the two of you argue. But if you cheated on him in the past and he can't get over that, that is a whole new situation. He needs to learn how to forgive you and sometimes people cannot forgive. (Especially if he is somewhat immature, as you say.) I think that you did the right thing by breaking up with him even though it is painful. Try to move on and find someone who it is not painful to be in a relationship with. It will be hard at first, but I'm sure you will be happier in the long run. (also, read the book, 'He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. I read when I guy I wanted to be with wasn't treating me great, and it really helped to put things into perspective.
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