A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I Dont know what to do. my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me because i told him a secret i couldn;t keep any longer. last year we took a break i was so upset without him..i drank to numb the pain and to try and sleep.. one night his best friend tried it on but i ran away and was disguted. i felt so bad and his friend conviced me not to tell anyone. me and my boy got back together a few months later and everything was super he said we'd be together forever he meant the world to me but a few weeks ago i had to tell him as it was plaing on my mind. he stopped talking to me and says he cant trust me again and doesnt love me. i don't know what to do... why can't he give me a chance like i have given him before?? Please help as i love him so much . Thank you
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a break, best friend, broke up, got back together, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): its me again who asked the question... no nothing happened and he knows that it wasn't me but his friend that was in the wrong but hes angry that i kept it for a year from him thats why he said he cant trust me anymore,,,,
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 I'm confused, you said nothing happened and you ran away, so why has your boyfriend left you if nothing happened?
If nothing really happened, you will get over it. He sounds a bit fragile don't you think?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): If you didn't know what was happening then I think you were raped.
If you chose to sleep with his friend at the time, then I think he's got every right to feel the way he does.
As for keeping it a secret, that works to get rid of the immediate pain of a problem but not to heal it. It only grows worse over time. It's the way to end up in a friendly but distant relationship that's not really intimate anymore. (Which often leads to even more cheating.)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): This sounds like a classic case of emotional abuse. Say good riddance. It sounds like he's punishing you for a crime you didn't even commit!!! I say good riddance. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering when he's going to lose it and kick you out again. A life lived in fear ... and all that.
Anyway - believe him when he says it's over and pat yourself on the back for finding out about him before it's too late.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): I know that this will sound harsh but really what were you thinking? He really did not have to know, this was only you trying to unload your guilt onto someone who cared for you. He will not believe you that nothing really happened, even if you try as he will be thinking as I do that you must have done something wrong to feel the need to 'come clean'.
The damage is done so...how to get him back?....Your best course of action now is to write to him, point out how long you have been together, that you love only him, that his friend was the one that approached you and lie, say he came on strong, you were both drunk and that you trusted this other guy as he was his friend, that you never saw it coming. Lie again and say that you only told him because you had a fear that this other guy would at some point have pretended more happened and that it really was nothing and he means too much to you than to have kept it from him. Go to his home without calling to see him as if you cal he will only ignore the phone. If he sees you he is less likely to shout at you and he cannot hang the phone up on you in person. Good luck though..............Time is a great healer...that may be all he needs after a good calm down!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2008): sugar, love doesn't die like that. Yes,he'd be upset even though it happened a year ago but if you really are meant to be,you will eventually. You should try talking to him,begging i mean and explaining that you actually told him,that should count for something!!! And IF you do not get back together,then take it as a sign that there is someone better for you out there,ok? Gods grace
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