A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm confused about this guy's behavior and need advice. So I finally started liking a guy after 2 years of getting out of a long term relationship. I still like him a lot. He lives in a diff city and whenever we are in each other's city, we meet up. Have kissed a couple of times but we never talk about rel or this going somewhere. For some reason, I don't think he wants to get in a rel. . cause we have very diff lives and distance problem. This time we both were in the same city by chance and it was me who asked him to meet up a couple of times. . he kept me hanging midair just to cancel in the end. He said he was busy and that's okay. . I don't know why I thought he should prioritize meeting me. I told him I'm leaving Monday morning twice and he texted me Monday afternoon to ask if I'm still there. I think he did this deliberately despite knowing I was leaving . . but when I told him I'm still there, he just read the msg and didn't reply. I didn't ask to meet up again.But why is he behaving like this ? Its okay if he doesn't want to meet up but then why being so pretentious? He was the one who told me he was also in the city after checking my snapstory and asked to catch up. I didn't. Then why such a behavior? And I've been feeling so low over this. I know he isn't my bf or anything and not worth wasting my time on but he is someone I ended up liking after so long. It makes me feel very low and somehow makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me that I get treated like this ?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 December 2015):
 I fully agree with SVC.
This is HIS bad behavior and bad manners - it's NOT you.
Cut the guy lose. Block and delete his number and let it go.
And I also agree that this is not about you. What IS about you, is why you'd want this guy in your life after treating you like this.
If you are looking for a guy to date, HE isn't it.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (1 December 2015):
 He is definitely reluctant and his actions are not those of a guy who wants to take things further.
Hoping things will change is futile.
He has signalled by his inaction, disinterest, his words, silence and his actions that he'll try to keep you on-hold and at a distance.
Plus any LDR is so much harder to sustain unless the bonds were already strong in the first place.
He's unwilling to put himself in the position of initiating things towards the next level.
Asking if you were ''still there'' and then not responding to your message once he knew you were ''still there'' was not nice. If you had said you had already left then he may have then responded.
But instead he wanted to keep his distance until it was safe to emerge - if he had been assured that you had already left. That is a clear case of trying to avoid you. Hardly the actions of a man who wants to spend time with you.
He is keeping you at arm's length as that's all he wants.
Sadly you need to write this one off as the potential relationship that never built up the steam to get off the ground.
Go pamper yourself. Do some nice things that give you support and try to stop hoping this friendship could or might or will become more.
Involve yourself in some local community groups and some social activity that will enable you to meet others who are likely to welcome you and build some frienships and network to widen your social circle beyond the social circles you are already spending time with.
Don't pin your hopes on one guy, who's not been prepared to signal that he wants more.
Thats like putting all your eggs in one basket.
Once you start to mix with a bigger pool of people socially then you are bound to eventually meet a person who does want to initiate more than just a friendship.
Meeting the 'one' is a numbers game. It involves meeting a lot of people, and many good people with the potential to be 'the one'.
Plus meeting a whole range of people in a range of different social settings, on a regular basis, allows you, and others, to size each other up and observe interactions and get to know each other before making a move.
I like social groups that are drawn together to achieve some social or community goal.
It makes for a non-threatening environment as you work together on community or other projects and at the same time get to see how the other party relates to others.
It feels like a much safer and non-threatening way to get to know people while achieving the shared goals of the group and then socializing togther.
Examples of groups worth joining might be a community garden group, raising money or volunteering for a community need, local sporting group, a mixed leisure group such as a sporting car group - you don't have to own such a car - you only need to share their ideals.
Some service clubs (Rotary being one example) that are mixed where they work on projects, in your local community group, are also great places to look to in order to widen your social reach and meet many very good people.
Good luck with this and your future.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 December 2015):
 Do not let the bad behaviors of others make you feel bad.
He is not interested in a relationship with you but does not know how to say "no" to you so he says Yes then bails out.
I would just let it go, delete him from phone, memory and other social media and move on.
WHY people do things is often the question when the real issue is why do you accept it.
It's NEVER about YOU when someone is behaving badly... it's all about them.
...............................
|
