A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:If you hear a guy beat up his ex' and you're kind of seeing him what would you do? I talked to him about it of course, yet it keeps bothering me... At first, though he admited it and said he took two years alone to fix himself i was okay. Yet i keep looking for signs and have become obessed with watching for signs. I dont want to make anything happen yet i noticed maybe me looking for signs is bothering him because sometimes he says some strange manipulation like, ‘I think I’m bringing it out?’ I keep looking for signs and worry if he tricking me. And ever since he is paranoid with what I’m hearing like worried about people talking smack on him. I’m trying to determine if i should work on forgeting this guy...as this might already be ruined. And yes ive heard a lot more stuff about his history that might (make) (sic) a normal person leave. Yet im still talking to him and feel bad for telling him what his ex’s family said. What would you do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 June 2017):
 If it was me I would have ended things the moment I found this out. I simply would not trust someone who could beat a woman up! Especially one he was in a relationship with.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 June 2017):
 I am a great believer in humans having gut instincts for a good reason. If your gut instinct tells you this situation is potentially dangerous then, for crying out loud, LISTEN! Abusers have a great way of turning the blame onto the victim, saying they "deserved it" or "started it". You already know what he is capable of. Don't be he next victim. You KNOW you deserve better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 June 2017):
 I think you should end it. WHY? Because you are walking on eggshells with him. You are constantly "looking" for signs that he might be an abusive fellow. Which means you can't relax around him or drop that guard you have up. That ISN'T healthy for you. That is YOU living in a constant HIGH ALERT state of being - it's almost like anxiety.
It's GOOD that he took two years to work on himself but he wasn't the one to tell YOU about it, he hid it because he KNEW how MOST smart women would react. they would start to doubt him, worry if they are next, etc.
It might be that he didn't tell you because he felt he had grown past it and it won't happen again. The stories from the ex-GF are only ONE side of the story. Not the whole picture.
What DOES make me worry for you is the statement like "I think I’m bringing it out?" If he tells you that YOU bring it out IN him then you BETTER walk away NOW.
There is no way of knowing the full story.
NO ONE should be told they mustn't defend themselves. Regardless of gender.
And NO ONE should stay with someone they actually FEAR (even if only a little).
End it now. It's not something YOU need to forgive. He didn't DO it to you. But you NEED to forgive yourself for having doubt about him. It's totally natural to NOT feel safe around someone with a history of domestic violence, drugs, alcoholism, etc. And if you DO not want to BE with someone who HAS a history of violence it's OK to NOT want to be with this guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2017): hi thereThe other day I met a guy who (with some coercions from me because he was mock hitting me and lying alot) told me about his violent past. This was not disclosed to me at the beginning = (basxxxx). I could not live with myself if I stayed with a murderer or woman beater and do not think that any other woman should who's partner has a violent history. I have blocked him as he is a self confessed gun fanatic and he said that he was going to kill me. Threats...(I hope). I have blocked him and I never want to see him again, take a leaf out of my book please. he may not have hit you (yet) but the emotional battering has already begun which could mean that it will only be a matter of time before he starts actually beating you, you are feeling scared/cautious this must not and should not be ignored. There are many ways a man beats a woman down. My dear good lady, the stress is not worth it and you are more valuable and precious than a man who is scaring you and having you feel threatened. God will protect you and so I suggest you get out of this situation asap. I'm concerned for you. Please be careful, these men very very rarely get better. I should know and do know!Please go onto Google about domestic violence or emotional violence or anything you are concerned about and get knowledgeable about how these men operate please.Sending love.
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