A
female
age
41-50,
*nowey55
writes:Hi,My boyfriend is friends with a work mate and talks about her loads and its beginning to upset me.She always go to him for relationship advice about how she can't meet a nice man and she only likes muscley men and he replies maybe you should date someone without the muscles ie like him?!. when I ask why she asked him he states its becuase his the only one who will listen. He also said they made a pact that if when their both 40 and single they will marry!!I asked him why they didnt date before me and he said that his not her type when I asked if she was his he said shes to gobby....afterwards tho!Shes always writing on his facebook wall and they text a lot...when I bring anything up he laughts and says are you jealous.Weve been together 8 months and its long distance but we see one another most weekends.Is he trying to make me jealous or does he just have feelings for her? Its driving me insane.Yet we talk about our future and he even asked me what our chikldrens surnames will have!! Very confused.Thank you.
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facebook, jealous, long distance, muscle, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (19 July 2012):
 Or boyfriend, I am sorry, I said your husband.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (19 July 2012):
She is using him as a pseudo boyfriend or an at-work-boyfriend. I am not sure how you are going to get your husband to change. I had a similar situation with my ex where he was just a "nice guy" and always talked with and helped a younger female colleauge. I talked with him about it and he started limiting his time and talks with her. About all you can do is try to talk with him, but he may feel as if he's doing nothing wrong and won't change his behavior. I would wait until the next time he brings her up and then tell him it upsets you that he spends so much time talking with her at work...or something along those lines. It that doesn't work, you may just have to live with it and monitor the situation by what he tells you.
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A
female
reader, Snowey55 +, writes (19 July 2012):
Snowey55 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just feels she's relying on him as a pesudo boyfriend a realiable guy who she can turn to and that is what women look for in a relationship esp if his making her feel better. And his comment did make me think well I'm not her type and if I was would things be different after women choose their sexual partners!
How can I bring this subject up without causing an drama? Thank you. Xx
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (18 July 2012):
I have heard this excuse before that my guy is the only man in the universe who will listen to the needy girl at work. Don't buy into it. If they are talking about work or a great concert they saw once, that is great, but once you get into talking about male/female physique, etc...it is inappropriate if one or both people have partners.
It's likely he is just flattered by this woman and has no intention of doing anything to hurt you. However, he already is hurting you with his behavior. I would discuss this with him and tell him that this upsets you. Let's say the shoe was on the other foot and you had a guy a work talking to you about how he likes women that are exactly your type. What would he say to that? Besides, it isn't his job to listen to this other woman.
Don't let him play or confuse you because he is wrong.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Hi
Not surprised its upsetting you, they are both rubbing your nose in this, he is showing no thought for your feelings at all. From what you have said they are too friendly.
However he's not hiding her if they are openly messaging on Facebook and you know they text. I wouldn't be comfortable with it all though.Especially in a distance relationship
Think hard before you commit to this man in any way.
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (18 July 2012):
 Its very strange your boyfriend is making pacts with this other lady. He should realise that their relationship makes things uncomfortable for you; of course it natural you feel uneasy the way he is behaving is VERY inconsiderate!
There could be a variety of reasons why he does this to you; however i feel your well founded to have suspicions. If he doesnt make you feel loved or good; then its time to question if you really want to settle down with a man like him.
Also he said she wasnt attracted to him; indirectly is he trying to say if she was attracted to him: they would have got together?
Think carefully before having children with such a man.
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A
female
reader, Snowey55 +, writes (18 July 2012):
Snowey55 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI forgot to add that she said she would marry him because his realiable and rich!
I just feel that since his been dating me suddenly shes interested. What can I do? I dont want to tell him not to see herbut I feel his comment espically about him not being her type hurtful. xx
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