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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm getting married to my boyfriend of 7 years in may.he has an ex-wife who has to keeps ties with him. By birtday cards,to mailing pictures of the past. She has been married for over 20 years and can't seem to let go of my soon to be husband. they had a child together ,he past away in 1989. every year this ex mails a xmas,b-day cards and pictures. she is friends with his sisters . this year she came unannounced with his sister to his work. I work accross the street, but they did not stop by.my boyfriend does not call her write her or cares for her. Can I tell his ex to cut ties with him, soon as we are married. It's hard for my boyfriend he's sad around his birthday and he gets a card from his ex. his son's birthday is the day before. she is a constant reminder of his son. I don't want him to forget his son, i just want her to go away. she should move on.Can i tell her that ? My husband would not care if i did. She knows we are getting married in may. she sent us pictures today of him in his younger years along with pictures of his son. He became sad right away.How can i stop this woman? I want her to leave us alone. cut all ties. 7 years and tired of her.
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female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (19 February 2006):
 Hi dearie, i understand ur frustration. His ex-wife obviously isnt a happy person and hasnt gotten over the death of her child. I think she needs professional help.
I think it is up to him really to talk to her get her to seek help. The only thing u can do for him here is to suggest this to him.make he realise that u arent happy seeing him down as u said here in your postings.
Goodluck and wish u all the best on your upcoming wedding.
A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (19 February 2006):
 Whilst I can understand why his ex still keeps contact and why she needs to be part of his life, I think it must stop.
For the sake of your sanity and peice of mind, for the sake of your marriage and for his and her moving on, this really must come to an end and it looks like it may have to be you who tells her.
I would preffer it if he was the one to sit her down and tell her it is over and she is to stop sending him things, for him to tell her he has moved on and is making a new life with you so wants the past with her to be just that.
It would be better from him but if after you have talked this through with him he feels he cannot do it then go for it.
Start off gently but make sure the message is clear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2006): This womans' obviously got issues - give her a psychiatrists business card and get her out of your life. I'm guessing the father of this child wasn't responsible for the childs death. He doesnt need this constant reminder and guilt trip from her. Maybe he should seek counselling too so that he isn't so affected by this womans attempt to drag him back into the past. If he hasn't got a problem with getting her out of his life then I suggest you put it to him to meet with her and tell her how it is going to be. I dont think she would accept it coming from you...its not your issue to resolve. Stand united on this decision to get her out of your life - This woman needs help but it needs to be clear that it isn't going to be from your fiance! I wouldn't get personally involved...thats the last thing u need...more dramas from this woman. I hope it all goes smoothly and you and your fiance have a happy fulfilling life together ...without her in it!!
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