A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been dating a little over a year. This insecurity of mine is due to one particular ex coming up several times in our convos. Always comes up about how guys swooned over his ex because she was hot. My bf says I'm the best he has ever dated (educated, gorgeous etc). I'm starting to doubt that though because of what he has said about his ex. I have talked about my ex as well, but never about how hot he was. I've told him twice not to bring up how hot his ex was because that makes me feel like he is settling for me. Is this something I should be concerned about? He is the most caring guy I've ever had, but I don't want him lying to me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2018): Wow you have worded this one well poster, but i know that you are the same person who has asked this question several times, except this time you have not added the whole story as you have before.You ASKED him about his ex, he was simply honest in saying she was attractive, what is his option here to lie and say she was ugly, which you know full well she isn't because you keep looking at her profile on social media remember????This is in your head anon, you keep on seeking the compare and contrast with her and despite being told on here that she doesn't matter you will not let her go.I have told you before who cares that she is attractive? He is NOT with her, he didn't think much to her personality remember??Sorry but your friend is going to lip sync and tell you what you want to hear, she is hardly going to say the other woman is prettier, but honestly who cares, if you was comfortable in yourself she would not matter.So you have got from this he MUST be interested in her still, err no he isn't, you just worded it so well to read it that way, you keep asking him and he hasn't lied in his replies, but you are so obsessed with her and thinking he must still be thinking of her you won't let this drop.And so you will end up losing him in the end because you CANNOT be yourself whilst all this is going on in your head. Look up retrospective jealousy, you suffer from it, look at ways to reduce this OCD, it WILL NOT go away on it's own. If you cannot accept his past and let go of this ex he had (used very loosely he dated her briefly didn't he) you will drive him away.You are driving yourself bonkers over this for no reason!!
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (11 December 2018):
 It never fails to amaze me, the lengths people will go to mess up their lives.
Number one, you and your man have fallen into the bad habit of talking about prior lovers. Nothing positive ever comes of that. You don't want to hear about her any more, and you can easily project that he has no desire to hear about your ex either.
Number two, You have fallen into the trap of comparing yourself to other women. It seems to be natural for women to do this. It never brings them happiness or the perfection they seek. Men on the other hand tend to collect rather than compare. They will hold to the memory of an ex while still being perfectly happy with their current attraction. This is a place where that projection doesn't work. And he needs to understand your comparing as well so he can stop giving you glowing reports to compare too.
Number three, you are the only person who doesn't understand that he finds you way more attractive than his former partners. He knows it, he tells you, he sticks with you. The exes know it, he left them. You can wreck his love for you by your constant doubt. And it's not really him that you doubt (but, he will see it that way eventually) You doubt your ability to have him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2018): I keep trying to respond to this message but having problems with the DC settings.
I don't think he is over his ex, isn't showing you that much care if he keeps going on about his 'hot' ex.
How would he like it if you said, my ex was loaded with cash, great in bed and an alpha male (there is no one else like him). Do you think he would like the way he is treating you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2018): This is in the vein of "who's the fairest in the land!"
Welcome to reality. You're going to meet guys in your age-group who've dated a lot of hot women before they met you. Some will be prettier than you. They may never forget them!
How does your personality and character measure-up or compare to the others? Does your insecurity surpass your confidence? All these determine whether you're a keeper!
He may have dated somebody hotter than you once upon a time.
What's that got to do with the here and now? Unfortunately, he has a memory; and doesn't suffer form amnesia because he met you! Is he supposed to kill her, or wipe her off the face of the planet?
Ask him stop bringing her up, or get a new boyfriend!
Who's he with now? He's apparently able to date really great-looking ladies; but too bad you can't be the hottest of them all.
What's most important is how he feels about you as a person. Not how much he can pacify your vanity and validate you!
Grow-up, your conceit is showing! You're going to lose a boyfriend if you don't cut it out! If you can't stand it and he won't stop, maybe he's the wrong guy for you!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2018): TBH I dont think he is over his ex yet. What is stopping him from going back to her? You should tell him he aught to go back to her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2018): Read back on the several other questions you have posted basically asking the same question, the replies still stand
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