A
female
age
36-40,
*ynzee143
writes:My boyfriend got out of a 5 year relationship about 6 months ago. I have been seeing him for the past 3 months. It is the only girl he has ever loved. Now that she is single she has been texting and calling him (not a lot but enough) and has moved on to asking him to meet her. He says he decided to meet her out of curiosity and to get closure since she broke it off with him. I just don't think it is a good idea for them to meet up. I need help and opinions on what to do. I don't think I can handle them meeting. I'm not a jealous person and I could care less about who he hangs out with but this is where I feel like the line should be drawn. Unless he has a suspicion on going back with her I don't understand why he wants to meet her. It is really bothering me. Any input would help :)
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female
reader, Lynzee143 +, writes (14 October 2010):
Lynzee143 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have told him that I am not happy about the situation. He claims that he did love her and doesn't anymore. He says he is with me now and wouldn't jeopardize what we have but my question is why would he go knowing that it is a problem in my eyes. He says that what we have is real and we have passion and I have to trust him. I do trust him but I don't trust her. I am a girl and know how scandalous girls can be. I feel like him going is going to give her what she wants and the power to manipulate him. He acknowledges that he is putting himself in a situation to be manipulated and that she could be wanting to meet to get him back but he is not for "sure" those are her motives. We have a great relationship. We hardly ever fight and always laughing and playing around with each other. I just don't think it is a good idea for him to go. I asked him how he would feel if the tables we reversed and he said he would be upset but trust me if I felt like I had to go. But of course anyone can say what they would do in a situation and when it actually happens it would be completely different. I have talked to him. What to do now?
A
male
reader, anonymous818 +, writes (14 October 2010):
I agree completely with janniepeg. I sometimes wonder how my ex is doing because she was an important part of my life for such a long time. I have no feelings for her anymore and I doubt she has any for me. The first time we hung out after we broke up was a few months after and we just wanted to see how the other was handling it and we were glad that we were able to break it off maturely with little drama and we were glad that we can move on. That was pretty much it. We might talk here and there for info on a good band or what not but the feelings are all gone. And definitely the fact that he told you is a biggg plus because if he wouldn't have told you he would have been hiding something. He might know you're not a jealous person and he might think you don't really have a problem with it but just explain to him that you understand he wants to see her but just to remember that you have strong feelings for him as well and you would hate to see your relationship end. He will probably assure you that she won't take him away from you if I am correct.Just show him that you still care and support him in anything he wants because he still has to be unfaithful I believe? Saying no might show your insecurity and it might not even stop him from seeing her because she played such a huge role in his life. He might get angry and think who is she to say I can't see her? I've only been with her for a few months anyways...but hopefully that isn't the case!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): The way I would take that is that he still has a flame for her and wants to see how this meeting plays out. As posted before, if that's where his heart is, it's best to find out now and break it off rather than later. It may not be so negative, and he may tell her he's in a happy relationship. It really can go so many different ways. Have you tried talking to him and telling him your uncomfortable with the idea? That would be the first thing in my book. His response will be very tell tale.
Good luck with everything
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 October 2010):
 People meet their exes for a few reasons. Here are just some ideas. Because they had been a part of their lives and they want to check in with them, make sure they are okay. It makes them feel better knowing that no one is hurting anymore. Maybe he would even tell her that he's seeing someone new so in case she wants to get back with him she can forget it. For some people, it hurts too much to see their exes, especially if they are abusive, had cheated, or had said something really hurtful. If they can be comfortable about meeting each other it means they handled the breakup well.
I am not sure about the nature of your relationship but he is open to you. At least he's not hiding something from you. If he had ulterior motives wouldn't he not mention it? Stopping them from not meeting is not really going to help. If his heart still belongs to her he would do anything to win her back. It will be out of line only if he shows he still has feelings for her. Which means you shouldn't be with each other anyway, because you would just be a rebound. The most important thing is that he is willing to reassure everything will be fine. It won't be too much to ask him if he still loves her.
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