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female
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anonymous
writes: An ex i was worried about contacting my b/f on new years eve did text him. I guess i just dont like the idea that some girl he slept and went out with sometimes is in contact with him. It was like 12:45 am. The text i guess was sent to a lot of people b/c it said..happy new year, i love you guys...which also makes me angry b/c of the love part of the text. If this is an ex b/f..i wouldnt be including that in the text when i am sending it to everyone. First of all..let me point out..at one time my b/f told me--he is good with telephone numbers..he says he remembers numbers he hasnt called in like 10 years.NOW--he felt his phone vibrate and its a text from her number(she isnt in his contacts)..and i say who is that..He says HE DOESNT KNOW..he said its not in his contacts and he would call tomorrow to find out. I say again, you don't know who this is? you have no idea?(another thing is..this number is SO EASY..looking at it one time, and i remember it.) So he calls it and we are in a loud place so i cant hear everything he is saying but basically it was like a 37 second phone call saying happy new year and he asked are you home? and so on...and then he told me who it was and that it was her...(Now--another thing is..i wonder if i just let it go and not said anything..and then asked him like a day later oh who was it--i wonder if he would have lied and said it was a guy or wrong number..sometimes i wish i would have but i couldnt help myself, it was how i felt). He told me it was her and i had nothing to worry about..which i hate when some say b/c my friends have even been told that and their b/f was lying through their teeth(not that i am trying to compare)And of course I got mad..i just reacted..i said, you didnt recognize that number and he just says "i'm going to recognize a number i havent dialed in a year?" even though he told me at one point he remembers numbers he hasnt even dialed in a long time and her number is seriously very easy. I said you told me u were good with numbers and u lied to me last year about her calling. He just looks at me with like nothing to say and he is getting mad with me asking questions.I said why is it necessary for you to be in contact with her and he just says something along the lines of he hasnt spoken to her in like a year and he thinks the last time it was last new years eve or around the holidays. And then he started to try to brush it off and say what do you want me from me and you are going to ruin new years.(This i didn't like, b/c he was brushing me off) I said i have to be ok with this and you expect me to? and he just says no you dont but what do you want me to do, tell her dont ever call me again? I didn't say anything to that and a big part of me wanted to say yes, dont pick up her calls or respond and encourage contact but i felt like i couldnt do something like that.I said so you arent going to call her this week? and he tells me no. I said are you lying and thats when he gets mad and begins to walk over to his friends. Basically, i didnt want to ruin new years so i DROPPED IT and we got along for the rest of the night and spend the next day together too.I really wanted to bring up the fact that i think he lied initially when seeing this number and saying i dont know who it is..but i didnt..i didn't know what my next step should be and that is why i am here...what would you guys do...should i be concerned? Do i bring this up again at a better time? Or drop it altogether and worry if at night he is getting more calls from her(i only see him like 3 nights a week though)I also am really wondering that if i just let it go when i saw that and asked him who it was the next day or something would he have told me it was someone else..Do you guys think i should be worried about any of this? It doesn't seem they are in constant conact but should i be ok with this? And is it wrong to say..no i dont want you to pick up her calls or respond..to me, saying that is fooling myself b/c i think a person would still do it.
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 You have to be the same poster who left the question which was worrying about what to do 'if' the ex sent a text? Now she has can you not see how badly you are over-reacting.
WHY are you so insecure about an ex? This is all to do with your insecurity. Your BF has done absolutely NOTHING wrong bar have an ex text him - something beyond the realms of his control.
In fact I can't answer any more other than to say you have severe jealousy and emotional problems if this is so much of a threat to you.
I STRONGLY suggest you seek help for this problem as it WILL destroy this relationship, and more in the future unless you get it under control NOW...
I wish you luck in identifying your problem and coming to terms with seeking help for it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): And to the "anonymous" posted before me; don't use your own totally different situation to justify the question askers problem.
People like you make the worse advice givers ever. Stick to your day job!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): Wow. I like dear cupid because I can be honest in times like this. You have severe insecurity issues girl.
People generally don't like being called a liar if they arn't lying and if you over-reacted to me like that I would probably be pretty pissed off that my so-called girlfriend who "loved" me didn't actually trust me or have any confidence in our relationship.
Again this highlights huge problems with you, not your boyfriend. You need to have a really good look at yourself and your past to see why you would behave this way.
Feel free to disagree with all our comments, but we're unfortunately right :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): Same happened to me on New Years day.
My partner and I have been together over 3 years, the ex sends texts valentines day, birthdays, inappropriately etc, she stopped ringing the house when she found out he was seeing me some 6 months after they had split. This year I had had enough of keeping quiet and when the text arrived on his mobile(he does show me them which is a huge relief) together we replied Happy New Year to you as well his name, my name and the kids, thinking 3 years on she must have moved on. The reply was like lightening pure venom! She wanted to know how dare he mention my name in the same line as his (I wasn't involved in there break up at all?!) she said that I was was manipulating him into thinking that we were a couple?! I think in the past he has been non confrontational i.e. for a long time did not mention me, and then he was a chicken and avoids issues when she has contacted i.e. they were just friends.
He is unaware of the further 2 texts she sent almost immediately as he went straight into the garage (his cave!) she called him insensitive and lots of choice names for me.
I should add that she has caused lots of problems for me in past 3 years and a couple of months ago (a text inviting him for a weekends skiing because he had the equipment!!)I told him he had a choice me or her, if he chose me he had to tell her that there is no chance of a relationship with her (she kept making declarations of love by text and asking to see him, every excuse under the sun right down to my light bulb has blown can you come and fit a new one!)
Anyway keep your dignity, though I have to say no matter what happens in my relationship, I do love my partner but whether he stays with me or not, his loss if not, but I can't help a little smile it's the first time I have entered into any communication at all, all I did was wish her the best and add my name! naughty I know but it was satisfying and feigning being upset and shock my partner was horrified that me sending her good wishes for the new year could have such a reaction!!
Happy New Year!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): Like the two aunts before me - I think you're over-reacting to something that has no bearing on whether he would go back to her or not. A couple of my ex's still keep in touch with me once every now and then. Would that be cause for my current partner to worry? A little is fine, but freaking out like you? I would ponder if there is something wrong with me to have chosen someone so insecure in the first place. 8|
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): what is your bf's number, so I can text him that his gf is CRAZY! I speak from experience, your jealousy will never end. he cant control who calls or texts him. If you keep up this behavior, you will drive your bf away from you (and maybe into his ex's arms...)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): Your boyfriend was just trying to keep the peace by telling you that he didn't know at the time who was texting him. And who can blame him? Your reaction is really overblown. What are you so afraid of? Do you really expect him to pretend that he had no life before you?
Get yourself some help before you drive him away altogether. This isn't healthy for either of you.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (2 January 2007):
 Oh my Lord.
You are freaking out. Over. Nothing.
xxIndia
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): Stop beating yourself up about this. Try and let it drop. I know how you feel. We all want our partners to drop their exs like hot potatoes and never be in contact with them again, but in the real world it does happen. She has sent out a general text and he was on the list, he shouldn't realistically be on her list now, but he is. As long as you two can talk and be very open and honest with each other then all should be ok. He should tell you everything and you should tell him If that is the only contact he has then laugh it off. My ex always sends me a New Year text and don't send him one back but he sends it out to everyone. So stop worrying about it.
Happy New Year
Take care
xx
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