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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I had been alone for many years bringing up my young daughter. In May 2006 I met a brilliant man on a dating website and we definitely 'clicked' we have been living together since the end of October and have been through some difficult times (I am currently in my 10th month of a fuly paid suspension from work- which is paid, stressful and semingly never ending) he has been really good. his 2 children spend half of the week with us, I have experienced difficulties with them, partly my fault, because I found all these situations at once quite overwhelming. our sex life has gone out of the window since we began living together - it is fantastic when it happens (we both agree this is the case) but its not as frequent as it should be and he complains that I should make more effort and make the move more frequently. he admits that he also suffers from a bit of jealousy and that he has some insecurities of his own about being treated badly by me. i want him and he wants me but I don't know how to relax and get him in the mood. in the past he has been a bit insensitive about my underwear drawer, and I have some body image problems (though he loves my body as it is). also we went to meet my family in the holidays,(this was the disaster that I knew it would be-my family have dominated me and sapped my confidence for all of my adult life and I only went so that we could get the meeting out of the way) and now we are home he tells me that he hoped my attitude towards his gesture to meet them, might have been rewarded with improved sex. he has issues of his own from the past, surrounding a former partner who aborted his baby and treated him really badly, causing on going money problems. last night, after a day of relative silence towards me; when he had been drinking, he told me that he had been texting his female and male friends with different 'issues' surrounding our relationship, to get advice and to ask them if they thought he was being unreasonable re the sex. this is terribly one sided and disloyal. I am hurt and confused as there seems to be so much going on here and i don't know where to start. can you unravel all of this and help me forward please? X
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2007): You have me a bit confused....there is no correct number of times to have sex or the number of frequencies....that is to be decided upon by the two of you, do you have different sex drives?
He is confused about your underwear drawer? Do you need to buy some new lingerie? Go treat yourself, it will make you feel pretty and sexy and more confident about your body....
How do you get him in the mood? Sex begins in the mind, make a date for sex ahead of time so he can look forward to it, if you have time, make him a nice meal, have a glass of wine with dinner, or draw him a bath or have him draw you one better yet, soak in the tub alone to relax before hand and climb into bed wearing your best lingerie, bra panties, teddie, whatever, and go from there....but start making dates and keep them, and I think you will see things rapidly improve.
If you don't like him texting his friends about your sex issues, ask him to stop, if he has some really close friends I guess I would forgive him, but really the two people who need to be talking about this to each other is the two of you.
Buy a book on sexual technique and read it together, you might be surprised even an old dog can learn some new techniques.
Most of all try to relax and don't go to bed angry as the old addage says, it is a goodie.
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