A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:What do I do about a completely insane psychopathic ex girlfriend of my boyfriend? She is the type they make movies about. She is worse. He warned me when we first started dating of everything she would do and he was right. It seems like no matter how much time has gone by, she still tries to infiltrate with our lives. Has anyone else ever had an experience like this? This girl would think nothing of hurting us. She has already been arrested several times for assault and drug abuse. She has nothing to lose. I've tried everything from confronting her and making her think she finally met her match in the bullying department, to ignoring her, and nothing seems to work. She is a social manipulator who has a way of making people believe her and feel sorry for her. She purposely moved to where my boyfriend lives in order to try and get involved in his scene, get information about him, spread rumors about he and I, and infiltrate. I feel hopeless about making her go away. You hear all these stories about people being so obsessed with someone leaving them that they plot their revenge for years later... ANY advice needed. And yes, he put a restraining order on her years ago which was broken. I've heard that sometimes that just makes things worse. She has done NUMEROUS things that I don't want to mention on here as well. Enough to make your skin crawl. I won't post those details on here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): Hi guys - It's me the original poster. Thank you for the feeedback and really good advice btw. Yeah, it's really scary. Really scary how much this girl can make me get so angry just by looking at her after everything I know. If theres one thing I despise in life - it's a bully. And in fact, I do believe stalkers and obsessive loonbags are in fact bullies. Bullies that believe they can threaten people to get what they want. It makes me sick. People get afraid of them and they get away with it! But I have to understand that sometimes the best way to win is to just walk away. I've retaliated and cornered her and it came back to bite me as she plotted and got her friend to attach me when my back was turned. She fights like a coward, just as I knew. Getting others to do her dirty work for her. Oh and to answer your question, she doesn't work! Nobody knows to this day how she even gets money. We think it's gotta be illegal ways obviously. Yes, it angers me that I took on this baggage when I decided I loved my boyfriend. I just hope and pray she stops!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): well a friend of mine was in a relationship with that kind of woman...tried to break it off, unsucessfully... what happened was after several years he buckled under her pressure and ended up marrying her and having kids with her because he felt that was the only way to get her to stop harassing him. the last I heard he's started drinking heavily . I feel sorry for him but he made his decision, however flawed it was.Something different has to be done now. each time she's been arrested, what has come of it? has she been court ordered to get psychiatric treatment? because that really is what she needs. how does she hold down a job like this?I think you and your bf should ignore her. if you try to engage with her it rewards her efforts because she thinks that she is getting somewhere by having your attention and making you upset. She rises to the occasion when she sees an opponent (you) actively confronting her. I know you said you've ignored her before and it didnt work. maybe sometimes it just has to continue on for longer so that she no longer gets any reaction out of anyone.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 October 2012):
 WHY, oh WHY do you and "boyfriend" have ANYTHING to do with this - what you describe as a - wretch of a person?????
IF you and he can't figure out how to get, and keep, her out of your lives.... then you are cursed, forever, with reacting to her....
IF you and he figure out that she can only affect your lives IF YOU LET HER.... then, you and he can get on with your lives and have a great time...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 October 2012):
 Yeah, there's not much you can do about this. Your boyfriend is the one who must act, and to be honest, if she's this crazy, you should get out of the relationship, because if what she's done is too much for you to put down on here, then you should think about your own safety and the safety of your family and take off.
What did your boyfriend do when she broke the restraining order?? Sure, he doesn't like her and yes, he did get a restraining order, but it sounds like he's still wishing she'd get a clue and disappear on her own, which she won't do. Did he have her arrested for violating the restraining order? Does he have aggressive, ongoing contact with law enforcement and the courts?
Sounds like he is a bit afraid of her if you're talking about her getting arrested for assault and drug abuse. Why isn't she serving prison time??
You should walk, because your ego is too invested in this. The whole "I'm not giving ground, and I'm not running" thing is all very well and good, but that sort of ego will derail your life, and truthfully, your boyfriend doesn't have the motivation to become more aggressive in ridding his life of his baggage when you've stepped in and taken the nightmare on.
You need to leave the relationship, because it's toxic, and it could be dangerous. You made a mistake tangling with her and trying to "show her up". You can't show up or out-ego a crazy person, and since the boyfriend is her obsession, she's also his responsibility alone, and I think he'll keep taking a passive approach as long as the impact of her ruining his relationships isn't felt by him since you're allowing him to keep her in your lives, and yes, *he* is allowing it by not being aggressive enough, doing documentation, and getting her arrested for every slight infraction of the restraining order. YOU need to get your own order against her as well, but I think you should exit the relationship, cut your losses, and find someone without that crushing, toxic baggage.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 October 2012):
 I agree with SVC - this is your BF's problem why you are making it yours I'm not certain.
As for her "infiltrating" his life, there is nothing he can do (or you) but I think if the two of you "PLAY" along with her games it makes then more "fun" for her. SHE gets something out of it. Not just DOING whatever she is doing, but the reaction she gets from your BF and you.
Have your BF talked to a lawyer? Or the police (yes I read he had a restraining order but maybe the police can give him further advice, so whatever he does is within the law)
I know it must be horrible and a strain on the relationship, but the only thing I can see doing is ignoring her and NOT play her game.
I will also STRONGLY suggest that you two keep a journal and write down details of all her shenanigans and that both of you make sure her number is blocked/email/social websites. Keep the privacy setting on those high.
And maybe even re-think the relationship. I couldn't imagine bring kids into this scenario.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 October 2012):
 unless YOU are in danger then there is not much you can do.
she is your boyfriend's problem and if he does not want to deal with her then you have to do the same.
IF he allows her to have access to him, his life, his friends etc.. then in some way he LIKES the attention and drama no matter what he SAYS.
if you feel hopeless about making her go away and he's not addressing the issue then you need to rethink whether or not you want to spend your life with him (and her).
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