A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey everyone.i hope i get this sorted out here!!i'm 20 yrs old and this is my 2nd relationship..and first sexual partner , i've been with him for 3 years now . when we started out i was too young to really care about sexual "pleasure" and was more lost in the emotional value of our relationship . everytime we ha sex i only looked for that emotional bonding and stuff...but now i figure out i did a mistake by not sexually opening up to him , and still find it so hard to do, as such we have minimal sex life because its a LDR now!we plan on getting married in future and all that. so now i feel it's certainly important for him to know how to physically please me . he has tried to on his part, but i never helped him out. I am so so scared to tell him because my intuition and ahem..my psychological analysis of him(which is also complicated and confused) makes me feel that he will lose his respect and love for me if i let loose and express my desires.what if he doesn't see me as fit to be ..i dunno how to put it.. all these days he saw me as a loving caring motherly person and he likes that. what if this changes everything. ?? maybe its the social thing..where sex is a taboo and especially a woman being sexually expressive sounds bad , i mean thats the sort of society i see around me and despite modernisation , when it comes to "marriage" or a serious relationship , the mentality of the men here (or any conservative society) seems the same. they are so bothered about virginity, and sexual innocence (which can be blamed on the up-bringing and socialization )that it scares me to open up. i feel he has a double standard . he would tell me that i have to be more wild and open up. but i'm so sure that if i do, then he will begin to de-value the emotional aspect of it.?and not have the love that he had before... i just know it from my past experiences with him , not in bed but generally .i am also aware that women of our previous generations (mothers grandmothers etc) have been very closed in their mindset about sex as far as the pleasure of a woman is concerned. my mother always told me things like "don't touch your private parts or you'll never have babies when you grow up" she created a big scene and threatened to kill herself when she found me reading something sexual in a fashion magazine..and i was in 6th grade at that time and hardly knew what it was all about.! its the same society in which my boyfriend also grew up, won't he also be perceiving a girl asking for pleasure as bad? he does say things like "dont use swear words, it sounds cheap especially from a girl !" doesn't that reflect?i basically feel that on one hand he is wanting to please me but on the other hand he prefers me to be appearing least bothered about it..!its confusing for me.because neither does he ask me about how it feels or what should he do to me..!is he being selfish..or does he expect ME to open up. once i gave him some tip about it when we were video chatting and he seemed surprised and casually asked why didn't you tell it to me before??you should have told me ryt.?but he didn't really use my tip..! maybe he forgot because we made out like one month later...please tell me what can i do???
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 October 2012):
 I think you need to sort this out now. Sexual pleasure is a big part of a relationship, and if it is not happening in a relationship this is where people tend to go off and cheat on there partner. So it is time to open up to him and show him exactly what you like. Believe me if you don't it will only get worse and you will resent him for it. If you do not want to talk to him about it, when you are both being intimate show him what you like, if he asks you why you are showing him this now, then just tell him you want to experiment and try new things. As for you swearing well this really is completely different and if he is to lose respect for you for being true to yourself then he is not the right man for you. However something tells me he won't, he will probably actually love being able to pleasure you.
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