A
female
age
36-40,
*_love1987
writes:This is a bit confusing, but i'm sure its probabley happened to somebody out there.I met somebody, and we began a sexual relationship. When we met i asked him if he was single, he said "i'm not ENTIRELY single" i asked what does that mean....meaning hes with somebody but theyre not happy or whatever.Anyway, i started this "affair" and he became serious on me, we realised we had a good thing going, we had great friendship and were beginning to like each other. He demanded i stay faithful, even though he wasnt faithful to me or the other girl..he said if i were to be with another man than it would be over - no apologies accepted.We got more and mroe attached, and he decided it was time for him to leave his girlfriend...ok all done...so i thoughtone day i saw him in MY uni with another chick, and this chick was not the same ethnic group of the lady he said he was seeing before...not only that, this chick was heavily pregnant!! i found out he not only had one, but two girlfriends when he met me!!! amazing!!also she was ready to pop, with child!i was so shocked, had he told me this information, i wouldnt have got into this mess - one girl with a broken relationship i could handle, but not a woman carrying his kid - and whats worse, he said to me "when you ready to have one, let me know".as i was already attached to him, we carried o nseeing each other, the baby was born and he began spending alot more time with me - we got more serious, were seen out in public together more etcBUT, now its all creeping up on me, brought on by family issues i'm having. i always stay at is pad, and keep the key when he goes to work. he didnt come for his key one day, and he obviousley couldnt get in without it---found out he stayed overnight at his kids mothers house - he said he "fell asleep" (i've been hearing that a lot lately) i think its all bullsh*t and now dont trust anything he says. i phoned up the first girl, she has confirmed they arent together, but she knew about the woman he got pregnant and couldnt handle it (dont blame her) and she didnt believe that they wouldnt still be sleeping together...and to be frank, nor do i, he says they arent but all i can do is believe him until proved otherwise. I dont know if he loves her, but hes sure happy to have a baby (of course) and he loves children, i can see him having plenty morebut my question is, where do i go from here? i have opted out and asked for time out for a few days (we speak upto 8x a day, i need some silence) i need to clarify with my head and senses what i'm going to doi dont think i want a man who occasionally sleeps at his childs mothers house - why does he need to do that forrr??he has no intention of moving in (having a live-in) relationship with her. we have only been together 6 months, i found out a month before the kid was born about the whole thing -- he said if he told me before he was certain i wouldnt have been with him (well duh!! with kids involved i dont get involved) so at the moment i feel tricked and my other issues are making this one seem like i really dont need iti care for him , and he cares for me - he is there for a shoulder to cry on and there when it rains and i dont want to get wet coming home from work, there for laughs, sex everything - but i cant help but think this would be so perfect without this dramawhat am i to do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, huneygyrl  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 What are you to do? RED FLAGS!!!! Come on now?! No one needs to tell you anything. It is obvious this guy is a womanizer. He used you. HE USED YOU. I bet he said great things by whispering it into your ears? Did he?
He doesn't care for you or any of the women he have and had relations with.
The painting have been painted. You've already interpret the painting. Now it is up to you move on.
Be strong!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): What are you going to do? Run as fast as your legs will carry you! He's not a good guy, he's not a faithful guy, and he certainly isn't a responsible guy!
Look at the cold, hard facts. He was with someone else when you got together. Then you find out that he was with ANOTHER someone else and that she was heavily pregnant with his child and he didn't tell you until you saw them together. Now he goes over to the child's mother's house and stays over all night. He says they are not having sex - but small children and babies don't stay up to watch the late movie, so what's he needing to stay late enough to sleep over for if he's not having sex with her?
Sad to say it but he's a dog of the highest order and you need to disentangle yourself from him. He's lied to you and made it seem like his lies were to protect you and not his own sorry backside (like neglecting to tell you about having a pregnant second girlfriend). Sure, you may talk about all kind of things, he may seem to understand you so well, he can talk the birds out of the trees, etc - that's probably because he's had a lot of practice juggling other women!
I'm also going to give you my opinion on why he has his own place and has no intention of a live in relationship: because if he was living with a girl then he couldn't keep up his double life so easily without her finding out. A live in girlfriend would be quite a crimp on his extra activities.
He's no good. He's a liar and a cheat and if you stay you will probably end up just another one of his part time broken hearted baby-mamma's, as judging by his comment "when you ready to have one, let me know" he's one of those idiots who thinks the more kids by different women makes him more of a man and who isn't actually responsible enough to understand about the responsibility that comes with them. I wonder if he would be so enthusiastic about seeing his baby if the mother stopped giving him the perks you suspect he's getting?
But I guess maybe you know all this already and just need some support to make the break? I hope so....
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