| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Last night my boyfriend told me how his ex girlfriend who he split up with 15 years ago had emailed him through Friends Reunited to catch up with whats been going on as she was trying to get in touch with people she knew. He was with her for 5 years, she was his first love but very unstable and he said that splitting with her was a hard thing to do. Anyway since then he was with his wife for 12 years with whom he had 2 children so I know he has moved on.Already Im thinking she wants to get back with him though he laughed at me when I said this and said she is now married with 2 kids of her own and living in Spain (we live in England) and he had no intention of running off with her just because she had got in touch. He offered to show me her email but I said no as I dont want to start checking up on him but he has said he will reply and my mind is working overtime. Why on earth would she suddenly get in touch and why does he need to reply to her after all this time? No one gets over their first love surely!!Is there any cause for me to be worried?
View related questions:
ex girlfriend, his ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who has responded to me. Im beginning to think I was a little bit rash in worrying about this. I do that all the time, worry the moment it happens and then a couple of days later, wonder what all the fuss was about.
I spoke to him yesterday about it. I apologised for acting jealous but said that situations like that made me nervous. He assured me I had nothing to worry about, he was as surprised as me to hear from her and that her email to him was just asking him what he had been up to and telling him about her life. He says she is happily married with 2 children and was seeing if he was as well. He still hasnt responded to her, says he will when he gets time because its good manners but it doesnt mean anything and he doubts it will continue much after that.
He has never given me any reason not to trust him. He is the first guy I have ever trusted which I think is why I still worry as its going so good between us and im terrified something will come along to ruin it.
Thanks again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2006): Lots of people get over their first loves. In fact, many people choose to 'forget' their first love. Firstly, a question, has he ever given you reasons to distrust him? If not..relax, dear. If it's been 15 years, she is just curious about what he's doing? Remember, he's in love with you, not her! all the feelings for her ended 15 years ago. Just keep communicating thoughts and feelings with each other in a loving, respectful way. Accept this and know this will be likely be the onset of more honest, open, trusting communication between you and the man you love. Basically, it likely was a nice compliment to his ego that he got a note from her. But that is all it was. Wouldn't you feel the same if an ex bf, e-mailed you? But recieving an e-mail from an EX love does not mean one is going to devastate other people's lives and run off with the old lover. So don't worry unless he truely gives you a good reason to worry.(eg: like he fooled around on you before) And if that reason comes up and makes you have self-doubts..then reassess the type of person he is and ask why you are with him? In the meantime..enjoy life with him and carry on. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, PrunellaGringepith +, writes (4 April 2006):
 Plenty of people can and do get over their first love. At this point in time I really don't think that there is anything for yu to be worriesd about at all. A similar thing happened to me just a few months ago, out of the blue my first real 'grown up' boyfriend emailed me after finding my blog. Once apon a time I was madly in love with this boy, we went out for 4 years and lived together for the last year.
I was a little apprehensive about being in contact again after so long, but I replied, after telling my husband about it, and since then we have exchanged quite a few emails and I have even added him to my MSN Messenger. It has been great to catch up after the years, to find out how his family, and his old friends are doing. I sent him my wedding photos and he sent me a picture of himself and his fiancee. I can honestly say there are absolutely no feelings between us anymore other than friendship and a shared love of Bonjovi (sad I know).
There is nothing wrong with being in touch with your exes, in fact I think shows a level of maturity and honesty if you can stay friends after a breakup.
It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is hiding anything about the contact he is having with this ex, if I were you I would try to be understanding and not give him a hard time over it, it doesn't sound like you have anything to be jealous about.
...............................
A
female
reader, CRO +, writes (4 April 2006):
Yes, if it continues to happen regularly. It is a valid question to ask why they need to be in contact. If it continues, I would be sure to ask his motives beyond general curiosity and courtesy.
...............................
|
