A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a serious relationship with a man for six years now, and we just had a baby six months ago. He smokes marijuana, but maybe since the last three years he started smoking heavily, His only concern is how to get some and when he is out of money he does anything to find it (exchanges pop and beer bottles, asks people to lend him money. He is extremely nervous and fidgity whenever he doesn't have any, it is putting our relationship at risk we argue alot he is very distant and cold, doesn't care about my feelings, doesn't even care to make any changes, What can I do to help him get some help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2007): Your bf is addicted and doesn'tcare about anything but his first love of his life --the drugs. Right now you are in a struggle and losing battle with the other love of his life-which is pot and it's not you or the baby You have the issue of "his addictions" clearly in your mind, and he knows it too, but he's in total denial. Addicts justify their addictions, by denying and telling loved ones..."he's right, everyone else is wrong" you need to ask yourself, what benefit you are getting from holding on to this relationship vs how you can derive even greater benefit by letting go of it. Hun, you can't change the addict but you can change how you deal with them and how they affect your life. Your BF is allowing denial to play a strong role. He's likely thinks he can control the habit, while in fact he is using more energy and more focus in obtaining the substance and recovering from its effect. How can a woman and child compete with that...that focus and energy should be on you and building a solid, loving relationship with you and the baby. You have a child to think about raising, who needs a clear headed, responsible Father to help you, with that big task. The way this guy is going now, is damaging and distasteful to your relationship and it will cause emotional harm to your child, eventually. His addiction is only serving to depreciate you and your child's future and existence. Being with an addict,who is in denial is more of a burden than you need to endure. Your bf has made his choice...now you need to make yours.
For him to get into recovery from alcohol or drugs, it will take same courage because he will have to give up a great friend, his addiction. There is also a tendency to relapse after completion of withdrawal. It is often difficult for people with addiction to get the help that they need, because of the shame they often feel about having the disease.
I would contact a family doctor and ask for info on rehab centers, to start the ball rolling. Then sit down with your bf and tell him, he has no choice. He has to go- he has to clean up and if he doesn't, he loses everything, you and the child included. . He needs a big wake up call and you have to be prepared to follow through. This is the time for some tough love and you have to be the strong one here to help a floundering loved one. Remember, a healthy, functional family relationship needs more than love. It lets you feel loved, respected and able to be yourself. You and the baby deserve the best. You have some big decisions to make...I hope you make the best ones that will benefit you and this child.. Take care and for the sake of the child, be strong.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (20 April 2007):
 Cannabis is dangerous for people with addictive personalities. He sounds like he is dependant on this and he should'nt be.
Ideally he needs to seek professional guidance, but without that he is going to find it hard to stop. Where some people use this drug as a recreational drug, it can become something that you use to excuse yourself from anything you can think of; daily stress, help to get to sleep, just like it,etc....
If he cant control this habit, which many people do than he needs help and support. BUT he needs to be willing. He is going to get himself in debt and find himself losing his personality and his motivation for life in general.
Talk to him, get him to see the way he is going and the way he has changed over time. Tell him you want HIM back without the red eyes and non-conversation.
He has to choose what he wants.
x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (20 April 2007):
 You can leave and tell him it's all over until he cleans himself up. He has to want to stop smoking you can't make him do anything. Do it for the baby's sake.
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