A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend got a DUI last weekend. Since then he has been very depressed. I realize its only been a week, but his depression is starting to depress me. He only communicates with me via text message and its only been every other day that I hear from him. He doesnt want to make plans to get together. I feel so pushed out of his life and that really hurts. If I'm feeling like this after a week, suppose it goes on for weeks? He has a history of depression and already takes paxil. His last episode lasted a couple months, which was before I met him. As he says, he's in his shell and doesnt want to talk or socialize with anyone,that he has alot to think about and deal with. He says he's disgusted with himself and what has happened to him. He likes to drink, mostly beer, but when he goes out for a beer or two it always turns into about 10 beers. This is how he got where he is right now with a DUI hanging over his head. My question is how do I stay in this with him and keep my own sanity? Do I confront him and tell him he needs to let me in because he's hurting me? How do you walk away from someone who's depressed but is hurting you? That just seems like a rotten thing to do to another human being. Two of my friends told me not to allow him to treat me that way. That when he calls me dont pick up. But what will that solve? We are both in our late 40's, divorced and live about an hour from each other. We have been seeing each other for about 5 years now.
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male
reader, xgod +, writes (7 April 2012):
 While I do not encourage drinking alcohol and he very likely may have a problem, especially since drinking alcohol negatively affects and reduces effectiveness of Paxil...What you should do is show up on his doorstep with a case of cold beer (his favorite), and spend time with him.Just tell him you are there to be with him and to listen. The beer and his desire to drink will get you in the door. As a fellow depressed person on Zoloft, I know that I need someone to speak to, to get the thoughts out of my own head and have someone encourage me to ramble on about what is upsetting me. I did not know that until someone came to me and stayed with me and listened.You say you have been with him for about 5 years, so stick with it. Realize that what he talks about is not your doing. Everything that is getting him down is his own doing or the result of something from his past. The DUI is something he must deal with. Perhaps he should find a way to avoid similar depressing events in the future: call a friend or a cab to take him to the bar, if he must go out drinking. He is mature enough to know he must take responsibility for his life and those around him. The DUI is a slap in his face to wake him up to the danger he puts himself and others in while driving after drinking.If you truly care for him, be with him during his sadness and depressed moments. Perhaps call his doctor and explain what is going on. See if he needs a different medication or something that will work around his drinking.In the end, he does need to control how much alcohol he consumes. you can help with that by substituting your presence and/or his favorite food or alternate non-alcoholic beverage. If you are not ready to commit to helping him, then he must seek help for the both of you and the future of your relationship.
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