A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am absolutely head over heals in love with my ex boyfriend. Even though we've decided just to stay friends because things had drifted with us, I look in his eyes and all I feel is love and remember everything we've done together.The first two years together were heaven. We had everything going for us.. but over the years the intimacy died, as much as I tried to revive it. My ex says he loves me more than anything.. and the things he did for me over the years show how much he cared. But why did he shut off from me sexually? He was going through depression for many years.Can depression severely lower a man's sex drive? His eyes light up when I'm around, I can see the love in his eyes.. but when we were alone, nothing happened with us for so long. We just became like flatmates.Is there a chance for us? And can this problem be attributed to him having suffered depression for a lot of years? He claims he just felt detached from everything.I don't know where to from here. I broke up because my needs weren't being met and I knew I had to let go of this sexless/romanceless relationship.. because I'm such an affectionate person.. and being peeled off by this man when I tried to hug and kiss him was really destroying my confidence.It wasn't just the absence of intimacy, but the lack of progression in our relationship too. He never left his parent's in all the years we were together. :(I need to focus on letting him go I think. Please give me your perspective. It's hard when so much love and emotion are involved. Thanks
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female
reader, kayla20  +, writes (26 March 2010):
 depression can put you off sex and at that point your not going to be very loving towards the person your with as all you can think about is being in a dark hole you cant get out of you kind of push everyone away and stay in your own litte world so intamacy obviously wasnt on the agenda however much he probably loved you.i think the only way a relationship would work out between the two of you is if he got some medical attention with his depression he needs to deal with his problems before being able to be happy with you he needs to be able to cope.maybe you need to talk to your ex and tell him how you feel
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2010): Yes, depression can really lower a sex drive in a person from raging horniness to boredom in bed. Also, if they are on any depression/anxiety medication, they have a strong chance that they will not be able to perform well in the sack, though some will, and they can be very agitated by the slightest, non-provoking trigger, or can be very moody. They won't see it coming or feel it as much as the person who is dealing with it on the receiving end. It's not his fault, and he would feel very horny and love you very much, but not be able to show it the same, or show sensitivity in a positive way, so much so as a person who isn't in his condition, or on meds for that condition. It's unfortunate that you felt the need to leave, due to lack of your needs being met. If he's been this way for many years, who can blame you for your decision. By how you describe the signs and emotions he shows you on the outside, it's very obvious it's his condition holding him back from displaying how he truely loves you and wishes to please you. Don't doubt his love for a second, though, since he won't be so lucky as to be able to show how greatly he loves and respects you.
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